Trump Gave The Oval Office A Hideous “Mar-A-Lago Face”

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• Trump is giving the White Office the hideous interior design equivalent of “Mar-a-Lago face” where the frightening looking women who hang around him have way too much filler, botox, fake tans, and makeup.
• No one is more pissed about this Senate deal than Mike Johnson, who just lost his excuse to keep the House closed and continue protecting rapist pedophiles.
• Hey, Democrats! Know what would be good politics to change the subject from your surrender? Immediately spending every waking second protesting in front of the Capitol and filibustering in the Senate until Mike Johnson seats Adelita Grijalva and releases the Epstein Files!
• Several delis in Portland, Chicago, and LA are offering a combo deal called “The ICE Special” that includes an extra footlong sandwich filled with nothing but mayonnaise to throw at ICE agents now that juries are refusing to prosecute sandwich-related protests.
• BREAKING NEWS: Democrats fucked themselves so hard that the siren alarms on Mike Johnson’s porn-monitoring app just went off.
• MAGA fans are starting to be upset that Donald Trump and Mike Johnson have wasted so much time of a rare Republican trifecta in the government keeping everything shut down in order to protect rapist pedophiles.
• People in Portland, Chicago, and LA are now using t-shirt cannons to launch sandwiches full of mustard and onions at ICE agents from safe distances now that juries are voting in solidarity with sandwich-related protests against tyranny.
• The White House says Trump is not falling asleep in all his meetings and press conferences, but just “thinking very hard about his Obamacare replacement plan, Ukraine peace deal, and Christmas present ideas for Melania.”
• Beyond labeling the Oval Office with printed out labels, Trump has begun labeling his sons on their foreheads with Sharpie marker, writing on Don Jr.’s forehead “the dumb one” and Eric’s forehead “the ugly one.”
• Trump is probably furiously calling Mike Johnson today and demanding he find a new excuse to not seat the AZ Democrat that will be the last vote needed to release the Epstein Files.
• The Gen Z and Millennial children of dozens of House Republicans are reportedly threatening to leak their parents’ browser histories, financial records, text messages, and embarrassing secrets unless they agree to sign the Epstein Files discharge petition.
• After Mike Johnson was asked if he’d swear in Adelita Grijalva now that the government is opening again, Johnson claimed he hadn’t heard or seen anything about the Senate deal so he can’t comment.
• A new viral TikTok challenge involves mailing a copy of Virginia Giuffre’s book “Nobody’s Girl” to Pam Bondi at the DOJ with personal letters asking her to read it and stop protecting rapist pedophiles.
• Mike Johnson is reportedly going to fake a coma for a month so he can prolong releasing the Epstein Files until the December special House election in Tennessee.
• Trump is reportedly calling Republicans to yell at them to “stop the count” of votes for the Epstein Files discharge petition.
• The top streaming song on Spotify today is a recording of Donald Trump getting booed at the Commanders football game this weekend.
• A prospective fundraising prize for the first person in the government who leaks the Epstein Files has reportedly just surpassed $90 million.
• An 8th grade girl on a White House tour today reportedly grabbed Donald Trump by his neck pussy and yelled at him, “How do you like it?” as the Secret Service dragged her away.
• Happy Veterans’ Day! Donald Trump’s least favorite day of the year where he’s forced for appearances to pretend he cares! Donald hates attending veteran memorials even more than Melania hates decorating for Christmas.
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☕ Join my comedic rebellion against Trumpism — subscribe to support my satire for just $2.50 a month. Never stop laughing at the fascists.

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.

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