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- Trump was just honored as 2025’s “Drag Queen of the Year” for “his tireless advocacy for, and normalization of, men wearing makeup.”
- Trump is reportedly worried that, when he dies, Melania will go on a glitzy national tour ten times as big as Erika Kirk’s current events.
- Several countries in Europe with Trump-branded hotels and golf courses are reportedly labeling them on their maps of sex offenders because of the possibility that Trump will visit sometime.
- Florida Republicans reportedly wanted to write a law that would ban men from wearing makeup in public to discriminate against drag queens until they realized the law would also apply to Donald Trump.
- Kash Patel, 45 years old, is reportedly worried that if Trump fires him he won’t be able to impress his 28-year-old girlfriend and her friends anymore.
- A city in Transylvania is reporting a possible mass hysteria event where dozens of citizens weekly are calling police claiming that while walking alone at night they were followed and attacked by Stephen Miller.
- A viral trend in Greenland has almost every business and public building putting pictures of Trump in their men’s bathrooms’ urinals.
- The biggest surges in bankruptcy and unemployment this year reportedly came from stores that sell MAGA merch.
- A new poll found that every time Stephen Miller goes on TV, conservative approval of ICE goes down 2%.
- Greenland’s legislature just voted to rename the “Greenland Sea” to the Biden Sea” to dissuade Trump from wanting to mess with them any further.
- Peter Thiel is reportedly upset that people keep saying he looks like Satan.
- The top manufacturer of diapers in Greenland has reportedly named their adult product line “Trumpers” in honor of Donald Trump.
- Economic data suggests that the biggest surges in bankruptcies and unemployment this year came from stores that sell MAGA merch.
- Trump is reportedly worried that if the Supreme Court rules his tariffs are unconstitutional, he won’t have enough money to fund the new, obsolete battleships he’s naming after himself.
- Stephen Miller reportedly keeps accidentally referring to the Trump Administration as “the 4th Reich” in casual conversation.
- Several artists in Greenland are reportedly constructing statues throughout the capital city of Nuuk depicting Donald Trump being beaten up by teenage girls in a project they’re calling, “The Pedophile, Will Never Take Our Island.”
- Trump is reportedly mad that pundits are beginning to call JD Vance “our future president” because of how likely Trump’s failing health will prevent him from finishing his term.
- Government officials in Greenland say they’ll let Trump annex them in exchange for all the unredacted Epstein files, a photo of Trump without makeup or his hair done, and copies of every nondisclosure agreement Trump has ever made a woman sign.
- Medical officials in Hawaii have added Trump’s name to a clinic specializing in treating STDs so the building and all its signs and billboards now read, “The Donald J. Trump Center For Syphilis and Chlamydia.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 