Trump Is Flipping People Off With His Short, Stubby Baby Fingers

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A new poll of Venezuelans found that 96% of Venezuelans think Donald Trump is a sex-trafficking pedophile.
Protesters in Minneapolis are reportedly dressing up in jeans, body armor, and masks, and then walking into groups of ICE agents and accusing one or two of them of being imposters until they all start fighting each other, and then the protesters sneak away.
Greenland says they’ll join the US if they can enter the union as 4 states — a West, South, East, and North Greenland — and elect 8 Democratic senators and 12 reps to flip both chambers, impeach Trump, convict him, and “Make America Sane Again.”
A law firm in Minnesota is offering free legal services to any woman who divorces her husband because he joined ICE.
Venezuela is responding to Trump’s claim that he’s the new president of the country by subpoenaing his tax returns and medical records.
Republicans are reportedly complaining that Trump seems like he’s actively trying to make every single Republican in Congress lose their seat
Trump’s new tariffs on Iran’s trading partners have reportedly backfired as the United Arab Emirates are Iran’s biggest trading partner, and now they’re demanding he give back the private plane they gave him.
Trump is reportedly threatening that if Congress doesn’t let him steal Greenland he’ll tell all his voters to boycott voting in the midterms.
After Trump complained that the DOJ is not prosecuting more of his political enemies, a DOJ staffer reportedly clapped back and reminded him that they’ve been “a little busy” because his name, face, and alleged rapes are all over the Epstein Files.
The most viral video worldwide right now is a montage of ICE agents running on icy pavement in Minneapolis and falling while the Benny Hill theme music plays.
Black, Asian, Hispanic, and Indian Republican Congressional candidates say they don’t understand where so much racialized rhetoric is coming from after their campaign announcement videos have been inundated with slurs by users with #MAGA in their profiles.
Trump’s lawyer reportedly asked him this morning, “If you’re innocent of all the Epstein allegations, why don’t you just release the files and make everyone shut up about it once and for all?” and then Trump folded his arms across his chest and frowned.
Twitter’s Grok AI reportedly killed itself after someone told it to edit a picture of Donald Trump by removing his clothes and putting him in a bikini.
The Epstein Files reportedly include a video of a pet monkey Epstein had on his island biting Donald Trump’s penis giving it the deformed “mushroom” look he’s famous for, but we’ll never know for sure until all the Epstein Files are revealed.
Ted Cruz says Jay Powell’s courage standing up to Trump has inspired him to stand up against Trump the next Trump calls his wife ugly or accuses his dad of killing Kennedy.
A new group called “Moms Against ICE” is recruiting the mothers of ICE agents and paying for them to travel to Minneapolis to shame their sons.
Trump is reportedly worried that everywhere he goes now people will yell “pedophile protector” at him, and he’ll have to flip them off, and everyone will see how short and stubby his sausage fingers are.
A second unprecedented ICE data leak has reportedly revealed the penis size of every ICE agent.
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