Americans No Longer Sure How Many Countries Have Blackmail On Trump

Official White House photo by Shealah Craighead | via Flickr.com Public Domain CC 1.0

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The State of New Mexico is reportedly inviting the US men’s hockey team to make an appearance outside Epstein’s Zorro Ranch so that Kash Patel will show up and maybe do his job searching for bodies of murdered trafficked children.
Trump fell asleep at his “Board of Peace” meeting, and farted so many times while sleeping that the representative from Azerbaijan sitting next to him left the room for the bathroom where he reportedly threw up and then did not return.
British officials reportedly sent Pam Bondi a videotape of them arresting Prince Andrew with a caption that says, “This is how you hold sex-trafficking pedophiles accountable.”
China has reportedly lifted its ban on US news websites for the weekend so the Chinese people can “laugh at and celebrate Trump’s endless humiliations” after his tariffs were ruled unconstitutional, his economy posted awful numbers, and his approval fell more.
Trump is reportedly furious that the Supreme Court decided the tariffs are unconstitutional because now he’ll have to postpone paying for more ICE concentration camps, the White House ballroom, his “Arc de Trump,” and his $10 billion theft for the Board of Peace.
Local Trump voters are beginning to worry the Supreme Court’s decision that the tariffs are unconstitutional means Trump is not actually playing 5-dimensional chess against all his political enemies.
Pam Bondi is reportedly praying that Don Huffines, the satanic-looking MAGA Republican who suspiciously bought Epstein’s Zorro Ranch, has removed all the murdered bodies so the ongoing NM investigation doesn’t find any and make her look bad for prosecutorial negligence.
British authorities have reportedly begun sending Pam Bondi copies of Prince Andrew’s emails collected after his arrest with notes that say, “Since you spilled black all over your copies, here are fresh, uncensored copies that will help you finally arrest someone!”
An alien representative says if Trump leaks the government’s UFO files they’ll leak all the Epstein Files.
Canadian officials say Trump “doesn’t have the cards” to tariff Canada after the Supreme Court ruled the tariffs unconstitutional.
Top GOP pollsters warn that if Trump keeps tariffing the world, and starts a war in Iran, and doesn’t arrest any other Epstein pedophiles, and keeps stealing billions of tax dollars, “The Democrats will win enough Senate seats to impeach him and JD Vance to usher in President Jeffries.”
Republican members of Congress keep banning constituents from their town hall events if they ask why the GOP-controlled Congress isn’t making Donald Trump and Pam Bondi arrest any of the cannibalistic, rapist pedophile killers in the Epstein Files.
House Republicans are reportedly planning a new midterm campaign strategy that revolves around a renewed promise to their voters that they’ll reveal all the Epstein Files if the GOP keeps control of both the House and Senate.
Republicans are terrified of saying anything bad about Prince Andrew and Ghislaine Maxwell because they know Trump is guilty of the same crimes and because photo and video evidence collected by British police from Andrew’s home during his arrest “may or may not” implicate Trump.
Pam Bondi reportedly has DOJ staffers working overtime to combing through the UFO files and redact all the times Trump is mentioned in them raping aliens.
Vladimir Putin is reportedly thinking about leaving Ukraine after the British collected a giant trove of Prince Andrew’s emails and texts that likely incriminate Trump because, if NATO now also has blackmail on him, he can’t only take Putin’s side on everything anymore.
A top GOP pollster says if Trump starts a war in Iran his MAGA movement will “utterly collapse” because the America-First crowd will disown him, the Nazis will call him an Israeli stooge, and the fiscal hawks are already mad he’s ballooning the debt in peacetime.
A hockey player from the US men’s Olympic team says that after Kash Patel chugged a beer with them he got intoxicated and whispered to several players that Donald Trump really does smell like shit.
A top GOP official says that, if every male Republican in Congress had to resign over a female staffer accusing them of sexual harassment, Democrats would have the majority and impeach Trump.
National security experts say the Trump Administration’s foreign policy is “a black hole dumpster fire” now that Russia, Israel, Iran, and a dozen nations in Europe all have pedophile blackmail on Trump and are making impossibly irreconcilable demands from him.
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