The best advice for writers is to write what you want to read… and that’s exactly what I do with my satirical comedy at The Halfway Post.
I want to read sharp, sarcastic humor about Trump soiling himself and smelling like death, homophobic televangelists accidentally revealing their Grindr accounts, and Congressional Republicans wondering aloud how Jared Kushner isn’t breaking records in foreign-influence-peddling treason. And, frankly, most other political reporters and pundits out there don’t “improve the facts” with halfway-true news as well as I do.
They also say if you can find a way to get paid doing what you love, you’ll never “work” a day in your life… and that too is exactly what I’m doing here on Substack with The Halfway Café. Any day that I have free I get up at about 8:30 am, put in my contact lenses, pour a cup of coffee, and start scrolling the news to think up jokes about this insane political era we are living through.
With that in mind, if you want to help support me writing comedy every day, you can become a paid subscriber for just $2.50 a month. If you’ve ever chuckled reading my jokes, or felt seen by the serious satirical commentary under the surface of my sometimes (maybe oftentimes) juvenile sense of humor, consider patronizing my coffee consumption. I’m cheap: I only drink plain black coffee!
Need more reasons to become a paid subscriber?
- Comedy is therapeutic catharsis in fascist eras such as ours.
- Trolling fascists is a full-time job. The more paid subscribers I have, the more time I can spend being extraordinarily petty about all of the Trump Administration’s failures. The country is on fire, so help me roast the arsonists!
- NPR doesn’t have the balls to report on Trump’s “rotten roast beef stench,” CNN won’t report on Rudy Giuliani’s alien abductions, and the New York Times doesn’t have any interview connections with God, but I do!
- Because I won’t stop making fun of Trump for as long as he tries to give himself kingly power… so forever! America has been telling kings to fuck off since 1776, and I am just doing my patriotic duty by daily telling this wannabe king that he’s naked, stupid, and ugly. A paid subscription is like a middle finger to Trump’s exhausting demagoguery.
- When my jokes go viral, Trump’s blood pressure rises. If you help me keep proliferating new jokes maybe he’ll finally have that inevitable heart attack or stroke!
- If you’re a Floridian, your support can help me get on your state’s prestigious list of banned art!
- If I have enough support from my readers, The Halfway Post could someday become the focus of a major censorship battle over how lenient the First Amendment has to be in tirelessly harassing the POTUS!
- If you think Trump is the dumbest tyrant in American history, you’re right. Help me spread the word across the Internet for posterity’s sake. I hope historians in the far future will see my relentless posts about how Donald Trump smells like shit, and assume it must have been a well-established fact about him!
- The mainstream media and legacy institutions have been much too polite and politically correct shrugging off the GOP’s lunacy in exchange for chummy journalistic access and proximity. I will never be politically correct about how Trump is the worst president in US history by far.
- If we can’t stop the fall of our republic, at least we can laugh the whole time over how stupid it all is. Help me heckle America’s villains!
- I am not funded by George Soros — but if you’re reading this, George, call me!
- Trump’s ego is very fragile, and maybe if my jokes go viral enough we can break him and send him into psychological despair!
- Kash Patel’s FBI probably already has files on me and The Halfway Post, so help me make those files so fat they need a whole filing cabinet just for THP!
- Some people storm the Capitol Building, I just find inventive ways to call Trump a shit stain on US history. Join an insurrection that’s legal, peaceful, and legitimate!
So if my jokes brighten your day, subscribe for $2.50 a month!
And don’t forget to follow me on Threads, Twitter, Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, and Medium
☕️ Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 