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- Several reporters attending the WH Correspondents’ dinner reportedly had an “Epstein Accomplice” Amber Alert sound effect ready to start blaring from their phones the moment Trump started attacking the media and trashing the First Amendment in his speech.
- A lone Republican member of Congress is finally asking, “Am I crazy, or is Jared Kushner going around making all kinds of secret, personal deals with foreign dictators worth billions of dollars without any Congressional authorization not a textbook example of treason?”
- Trump is in a catch-22 with his Iran War because he wants to just blame Israel for all the disastrous consequences and not take any personal responsibility, but then he’d have to emasculate himself admitting Israel is telling him what to do.
- Protesters have reportedly spray painted, “Trump is in the Epstein Files!” on the new blue bottom of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
- Kash Patel is reportedly worried he’ll be fired Monday morning and he won’t have access to the FBI building to retrieve his office liquor collection.
- A few small news agencies worked together to set up a thermal camera at the WHCA dinner tonight they call “The Trump Dump Detector” so they could see if Trump pooped himself while eating or while giving his prepared remarks, but the shooter sadly interrupted the chance to get verified proof of him shitting himself.
- The Atlantic has reportedly asked Kash Patel if he still wants to waste his money on lawyers suing them over their reporting on his drunkenness if Trump fires him.
- Kash Patel and Pam Bondi are reportedly having preliminary discussions about starting a law firm specializing in defending sex-offenders to take advantage of their peerless experience in covering up sex crimes.
- Trump reportedly wants to say a joint prayer with Russell Brand before the upcoming White House UFC fight.
- Trump is reportedly asking around to find one of his billionaire suck-ups to give Kash Patel a fake job that will keep him from starting a podcast and talking about everything he saw in the Epstein Files and helped cover up.
- CPAC is reportedly facing budget problems now that Viktor Orbán will no longer be laundering Russian money to them.
- Several liquor companies are reportedly looking into sponsoring Kash Patel’s inevitable podcast after he gets fired and sending him dozens of bottles a month so he gets drunk and spills secrets about the Epstein Files.
- Foreign autocratic governments are reportedly pissed Trump keeps firing his cabinet secretaries and top agency heads because they’ve spent so much money setting up influence operations against them.
- Several blue states are renaming their most toxic EPA superfund sites after Trump to honor his dumpster fire of a presidency.
- Kash Patel is reportedly requesting Trump give him a 15-minute warning before he’s fired so he can make a Kalshi bet real quick.
- A new poll found that 100% of voters believe that, if the WHCA dinner shooter had gotten into the room and shot a CNN reporter, Trump would have immediately cheered and then tweeted that he’s “glad the fake news reporter is dead.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 