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- Trump is reportedly furious after reports show that “86 47” has been written in seashells on over 650 beaches in 129 countries around the world.
- White House staffers are reportedly having trouble finding body armor for Donald Trump to wear in public that won’t look weird or uncomfortably smash his tits.
- King Charles reportedly laughed out loud when he saw how gaudy and “tastelessly new money” Trump has decorated the Oval Office.
- Trump’s interest in the Bible is back to its regular nonexistence after his pandering photo-op last week where he read from the Bible for three minutes.
- Military officials are increasingly sounding the alarm over Trump’s “treasonous” support for Putin while Russia sends upgraded drones to Iran, gives intelligence to Iran on US troop positions and base targeting, and has bot farms promoting Iran’s anti-Trump videos.
- Some of Trump’s Republican cabinet members are relieved Cole Allen tripped and was arrested without them having to die for the freedom of near unfettered gun access.
- Iranian officials have reportedly vowed to walk out of any future negotiations with the Trump Administration if JD Vance, Jared Kushner, or Steve Witkoff show up.
- Kash Patel is reportedly surprised Trump hasn’t fired him yet, and he’s beginning to suspect that Trump likes him as FBI Director because he’s so incompetent that the MAGA deepstate loyalists in the FBI can destroy all the Epstein Files evidence when a more experienced, capable director would notice what they’re doing and intervene.
- Republican Party focus groups reportedly keep laughing out loud when GOP officials ask them what they think about Donald Trump Jr. running for president after his dad.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because there’s no one for him to sue in an American court for opening back up the Strait of Hormuz.
- FBI agents are reportedly using the term “getting Kashed” when they get drunk now.
- Todd Blanche is the least popular attorney general (Senate-confirmed or acting) in US history as Democrats are pissed he’s Trump’s personal attorney, and Republicans are pissed he covered up the Epstein Files and is playing dumb about it.
- Trump is reportedly sending Mike Lindell to the Vatican to look for Chinese bamboo fibers in the ballots of the Papal election.
- Trump is reportedly furious because European officials told him that their navy ships would be arriving to help him open up the Strait of Hormuz “in two weeks” two weeks ago.
- Trump is reportedly demanding his staffers “do a better job” hiring a whole new cabinet after the midterms, but he won’t read any of the one page reports they’re compiling on various applicants.
- The Pope is reportedly willing to challenge Trump in a publicly administered cognitive test.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 