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- A forklift operator at the site of Trump’s White House ballroom just accidentally knocked over a porta-potty and spilled excretory waste into the ventilation shaft of Trump’s new underground bunker — experts say the stench will linger “for years.”
- A liberal billionaire is offering $10,000 to the first journalist who asks Donald Trump why the investigation into the Zorro Ranch in New Mexico is going nowhere.
- Top Republicans are reportedly more worried than ever about keeping control of Congress after JD Vance just announced a campaign tour through Maine, North Carolina, Ohio, Texas, and Alaska following his appearances that wrecked all the right wing parties in Europe.
- Trump is reportedly telling staffers he wishes he could just declare bankruptcy in Iran and let it be other people’s problem like he has done in every other crisis of his life.
- Trump is reportedly furious that Republicans are privately calling him “kryptonite” for their campaigns because his incredibly low approval ratings, the Iran War, and the spiking prices for everything are wiping out GOP voter turnout in even super red states.
- Top Republicans are reportedly beginning to make big bets on the prediction markets that Democrats will retake Congress in November so at least they’ll profit financially if they get obliterated in the election and lose their seats.
- Chinese officials are reportedly having high-level meetings on how to politely wake up Trump when he inevitably falls asleep during his meetings with Xi Jinping and the press conferences after.
- The Texas televangelist who claimed God is using the Iran War to begin the Biblical Apocalypse and Rapture up all the Christians to Heaven on Trump’s birthday this June 14th because Trump is the “2nd Messiah” just got arrested for cooking meth in his church basement.
- A sand artist in California made a giant “Mt. Rapemore” sculpture featuring Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Cosby, and Harvey Weinstein.
- Xi Jinping is reportedly planning to take Trump to the Great Wall of China to force him to walk up a small flights of old, stone stairs on camera so the Chinese people can see how feeble he has gotten.
- A Chinese caterer who stood behind Trump today at a joint US-Chinese luncheon to refill his water glass and replace his tableware in between each course reportedly passed out and hit her head on the floor due to the prolonged exposure to his body odor.
- A reporter just asked Mike Johnson for the first time at a press conference, “Why should we even ask you any questions today when you never read or hear about anything anyway?”
- Top Republicans are privately worried Trump is pressuring them to start using his “Trump Mobile” phone because it gives him access to snoop through all their texts and photos for blackmail purposes.
- After Trump insulted and attacked Lauren Boebert today, journalists are trying to obtain any tapes Boebert might have recorded when Trump called her several times to beg, threaten, and bribe her not to vote for releasing the Epstein Files.
- Trump is reportedly terrified ebola will turn into a global crisis, and everyone will blame him because he fired all the pandemic response experts.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 