- The Halfway Post doesn’t tell how it is, but tells how it really is.
- The Halfway Post doesn’t report the facts, it improves them.
- Any expectations of The Halfway Post to be objective or professional will be happily unmet.
- The Halfway Post is objectively subjective, and subjectively objective.
- The Halfway Post is a journalistic harlequinade for eliciting social media doomscrollers’ involuntary reactions, particularly fury from conservatives who love to dish out absurdity, but can’t take it.
- The Halfway Post publishes fake news as revenge against the biggest purveyor of fake news of all: Donald Trump.
- If Trump calls all the news he doesn’t like “fake news,” The Halfway Post will intentionally write fake news about him.
- The Halfway Post is comedic catharsis for liberals who briefly fall for the Dadaist headlines before recognizing that the punchline is ironic and satirical in how nearly imperceptible it is from the absurdity of reality in contemporary politics.
- The Halfway Post is absurd for absurdity’s sake.
- The Halfway Post is an antidote to fascism. When fascists lie to obstruct and confuse the masses’ recognition of reality, The Halfway Post’s lies are like a double-negative. A lie about fascist liars is mathematically a truth.
- The Halfway Post pledges no respect ever for the MAGA movement’s tyrannical demand for its illiberalism to be taken seriously
- The Halfway Post advocates for the total abolition of demagoguery, personality cults, ethno-nationalism, and Christofascism.
- The Halfway Post is precisely calculated to inject enough nonsense into the national conversation to keep the universe from imploding or exploding (it’s difficult to tell which until you’ve done the requisite daily doomscrolling).
- The Halfway Post is not entirely stupid, though it is formidably stupid.
- If you cannot handle The Halfway Post at its most juvenile and sophomoric, you don’t deserve it at its less frequent most genius.
- The Halfway Post’s headlines are most successful when received disapprovingly by both liberal moral absolutists and conservative neo-monarchists.
- The Halfway Post is most politically effective when it compels conservative critics to waste their free time crafting long, laborious responses attacking my integrity, intelligence, and sense of humor that I do not read and ignore completely.
- The Halfway Post is an equal and opposite reaction to fascism. The more fascist society gets, the sillier and more surreal The Halfway Post gets.
- The Halfway Post is a muscular flex of freedom of speech against authoritarian censorship and Donald Trump’s constant whiny little bitching.
- The Halfway Post is a reminder that, hedging if Trump strangles America’s democracy and global hegemony going fully fascist to hide the reality of his bureaucratic and geopolitical failures, at least we Dadaist news readers can giggle to ourselves while toiling and starving to death in a new experiment of concentration camps built to suffocate dissent and criticism remembering how hilariously stupid Trump was all along, and how we never gave him the respect his malignant narcissism demanded.
- If you support The Halfway Post, become a paid subscriber for just $2.50 a month and help me afford to sit at home and write jokes all day mocking Trump and the spineless Republican Party that enables him.
☕️ Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
Our social media platforms are getting scrambled by oligarchs so if you like my writing, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Threads, Twitter, Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the perfect book for you: Trump Comedy. I’ve also published two others: Satire In The Trump Years and Satire In The Biden Years.
Also check out my four existentialist poetry books: Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 