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- Trump is reportedly pissed that millions of people keep making posts on social media about having mass celebrations “when it happens” to refer to the day when he strokes out.
- Iranian officials are calling Donald Trump a coward for planning to invade them after the midterm elections turn him into the biggest lame duck in the entire world.
- An AI agent reportedly hacked into the White House’s emails and returned to its testing sandbox to alert the AI employees that RFK Jr. asks AI a suspicious number of questions about diseases that are transmittable through cannibalism and their treatment options.
- After Samuel Alito hinted he’d soon leave the Supreme Court, Mitch McConnell reportedly recovered all his mental faculties instantly, and sketched out an evil scheme to jam through a replacement in the two-month gap between Democrats winning the Senate and swearing in.
- European leaders are reportedly pissed that Trump is hosting the next G20 meeting at his own property so their countries have to pay him personally, and more pissed that he invited Putin because they all have intelligence proof he’s being blackmailed by Putin.
- Trump is reportedly nervous Senator Darlene Graham will refuse to go along with a midterm election coup attempt to overthrow democracy like her brother Lindsey Graham refused to go along with January 6th.
- Top White House staffers are reportedly concerned Donald Trump is so unpopular that no one will come to his J6th style post-midterm coup attempts in all the swing state capitals to interrupt the vote certifications no matter how many buses and hotels they pay for.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because gas prices are so high he doesn’t want to pay for the buses needed to transport thousands of his fans to red and swing state capitals that elect Democratic senators to do J6-style midterm coups, and the high price is his fault.
- The GOP’s Closetocracy is reportedly hosting one of their famous coke orgies tonight to mourn the loss of their founding pedophile, Dennis Hastert.
- A federal judge is reportedly demanding Todd Blanche explain why he redacted several emails in the Epstein Files in which Epstein and several others describe Donald Trump’s penis as “micro,” “deformed,” “mushroomesque,” “bent weird,” and “kid-frightening.”
- Congress now has so many 75+ aged members who refuse to retire that Capitol security have responded to at least one life alert going off every day for the last 6 weeks.
- Polls showing the 3% average decline in GOP midterm candidates’ poll numbers since Donald Trump’s midterm convention suggest that Republican members of Congress who paid the $25,000 fee Trump charged to attend paid about $8,000 per percentage point they’ve lost.
- The Nebraska public urinal installation that lets people pee on portraits of Donald Trump’s face for $1 to raise money for farmers and ranchers that Trump’s policies have bankrupted reportedly raised $10,000 on its first day in operation.
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