Puerto Rican Governor Dares Texas to Secede, Eyes Texas’s Spot In The Union

San Juan, Puerto Rico—

Governor Ricardo Rosselló of Puerto Rico today issued a controversial statement on Twitter daring the US state of Texas to make good on its historically reoccurring threats to secede from America.

“I think the people of the Lone Star State should put their money where their mouth is, and actually, finally secede.” Rosselló tweeted this afternoon, followed by an emoji of a man shrugging his shoulders and arms.

Rosselló’s office later responded to questions about the controversial statement saying that Texas has a long history of flirting with being an independent nation.

“Of course Texas was an independent republic for several years before being granted statehood in 1845, and Texas also seceded from the Union during the Civil War to join the Confederacy,” explained a top aide to Governor Rosselló. “And Texas floated several petitions to secede following President Barack Obama’s election in 2008. The question is simple: why doesn’t Texas stop crying secession-wolf, man up, and finally do what it’s always saying it’s going to do?”

The rhetoric follows Puerto Rico’s recent vote to become America’s 51st state, a vote that the US Congress does not appear anxious to honor. There is apathy on both sides of the political aisle, as Republicans pursue an ambitious but controversial agenda including an Obamacare repeal and tax reform, and Democrats pursue the criminal investigation of President Trump’s alleged collusion with Russia in the 2016 election.

Some political commentators have speculated that Governor Rosselló’s tweet is an effort intended to raise awareness of the Puerto Rican statehood vote, and, if so, it has been successful.

A spokesperson for Governor Abbott of Texas early this evening released a short statement in reply, saying, simply, “Yeah? Maybe we will.”

Alvin Curaro, a Puerto Rican legislator and friend of Governor Rosselló, told The Halfway Post that the governor’s political calculation was simple.

“If Texas secedes, suddenly there are only 49 states,” said Curaro. “America doesn’t really want to have to change its flag, songs, and rounded state count, does it? And, meanwhile, there is a little island territory whispering in America’s ear saying, ’Hey, America, I’ll be your number fifty.’ It’s not totally crazy when you think about it.”

*UPDATED, 7:34pm*

Governor Rosselló tonight responded to the statement from Abbot’s office suggesting the governor was considering a new push for secession with a new tweet.

“Bet you won’t…Texas is a pussy!” Rosselló tweeted at 7:14pm.

Governor Abbott’s office had not yet responded to repeated phone calls at time of publishing.

[We will update this post again if any new information or Twitter insults are published.]

…This is satirical.

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