New York City, NY—
Eric Trump, son of President Donald Trump, is apparently very proud of his father’s latest career move.
At approximately 2:30pm this afternoon, Eric Trump asked the Trump Organization’s board room “Do you know who my father is?” for the third time.
It’s an increasingly common hat-trick of corporate nepotism, and Trump Organization board members say they’re sick of it.
“Obviously we know who his father is,” said one board member who requested anonymity to avoid repercussions from the Trump family. “And, frankly, I find Eric’s repeated rhetorical questions to be childish and a blatant, embarrassing display of entitlement to get what he wants.”
“His outbursts are really harming the open and friendly atmosphere of the boardroom,” said another board member. “Well-meaning employees no longer feel comfortable expressing their opinions on business matters if they think it might upset Eric. He cries several times a day when he doesn’t get what he wants, or if he’s hungry, or if he’s just tired. If you think his dad has no shame, he somehow has even less. He told a secretary the other day to give him her granola bar, and when she said no he held his breath until he passed out onto the floor.”
The Trump Organization’s board of directors has spent weeks brainstorming ideas on how to mitigate some of the negative effects of President Trump’s disastrous presidency on the company’s brand and profits, conservations that Eric inhibits.
“These are very serious issues, but I feel that Eric just doesn’t take them seriously,” said the first board member. “The trouble started with him installing a Nintendo Gamecube in the boardroom, and things have just got worse from there. He brought in a bean bag chair, he installed several hamster cages and spends his days adding new pipes and spinning wheels for them. Thankfully we were able to get Donald to convince him that a trampoline wouldn’t fit in the room.”
“The worst part is that Eric makes us all play video games with him, and he is a very sore loser,” said the second board member. “We can’t start board meetings until Eric wins a few matches of Super Smash Brothers in a row, and if he loses he throws his controller at the TV. What 37-year-old man does that? He’s such a bad sport that everyone lets him win, and then he makes fun of us for the rest of the day as if the games weren’t rigged for him.”
The Halfway Post tried to reach out to Eric Trump by phone for a comment, but Mr. Trump would only talk to us in a high-pitched voice pretending to be his sister, Ivanka Trump.
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