While Hurricane Irma’s winds and torrential rains have reached the edge of Florida, one local man still refuses to believe that the hurricane is real.
Donny Thomas, a 48-year-old restaurant manager, drove himself to the beach two days ago, and has been camping on the sand in order to prove that Hurricane Irma is just a liberal hoax.
Even though the hurricane appears to be very real, and has reached where Mr. Thomas is camping, he still doesn’t buy it.
“I knew this hurricane was fake the second I heard about it from Rush,” Thomas said. “Liberals have gone full bonkers, and are at this point just making natural disasters up to get us to be afraid of climate change—which definitely isn’t happening. And if climate change is happening, humans had nothing to do with it. And if we did have something to do with it, there’s nothing that can be done about it. And if there is something we humans can do about it, it costs too much money and is bad for business. And if businesses agree with the government that something should be done, well, they’re just wrapped up into the conspiracy and brainwashed!”
Mr. Thomas and his beach have now been drenched by fast winds and epic rain fall, but that isn’t enough to convince him that there is a hurricane. He claims the rain is just from a regular rainstorm.
“This is definitely not a hurricane. I’ve seen hurricanes before, and this is not one. The liberals made it up, and I’m proving it just by being out here. The liberals are always lying about climate. They’re just a part of the climate change-industrial complex where climate change conspiracists get rich by convincing us that the world is warming up.”
“It’s a money-making scheme,” explained Mr. Thomas. “Step one: claim the world is warming. Step two. Step three: get rich with made-up science.”
Wait, what was step two?
“Let me spell it all out as simply as I can. Step one: make up bullshit about climate change. Step two. Step three: now you’re rich because the world has been brainwashed to think that climate change is real and man-made.”
Our Halfway Post reporter pressed Thomas once again on step two, but he did not understand the question or how we could not follow along with his list of steps.
Good luck, Donny Thomas, we hope the hurricane doesn’t destroy you for your hubris.