Devin Nunes: “My Next Secret Memo Will Be Mind-blowing, For Real This Time, I Promise”

Devin_Nunes,_official_color_photo_portrait

Washington D.C.—

Devin Nunes has been bumbling from one personal scandal to another since President Trump took office, all related to the Russian collusion controversy in pattern that suggests Nunes is complicit in the President’s obstruction of justice.

Nunes’ latest scandal was the memo he drafted and released based on classified source material he had not personally read, in an attempt to smear the FBI by taking FBI agents’ text messages to each other out of context in a manner that even Trump’s own Department of Justice deemed inappropriate.

However, despite the drama behind the Republican #ReleaseTheMemo initiative, Nunes’ memo was a dud and did not drop any major bombshells. In fact, his memo seemed to further incriminate former Trump transition adviser Carter Page, by showing that the FBI had begun suspecting Page of being a Russian agent way back in 2013.

All that aside, though, Mr. Nunes spoke to The Halfway Post over the phone earlier today and he insisted he was going to be “for real this time,” and that the new memo was going to be “much, way bigger than the first.”

“This memo is going to be big. You can write that down in your notes. Direct quote. The first memo had so many bombshells, and we learned so much. Some people have said it was politically motivated and obviously taken out of context, but they don’t understand what it’s about. You know, sure you can say that the underlying source materials of the memo are all missing, and sure you can say that its conclusions have come up way short and not matched at all the rhetoric I myself and my allies in Congress have spent the last two weeks hyping up, but if you read the text messages at the most basic level it sounds kind of like we actually have a faint scandal here if you ignore the fact that a pro-Trump faction in the FBI’s New York office actually kind of helped Trump win. It might seem like the rest of the FBI has been going about all of this very professionally and seriously, but obviously we are trying to present the alternative facts of that. So expect giant things from my second memo. I’m totally for real this time. The FBI is gonna look so bad. I promise. Pinky swear this time. It’s going to be so big, and it will be coming out in another process painfully and vaguely stretched out over multiple weeks so that Republican voters lose all interest and stop paying attention when the memo actually, finally gets released so that our Republican base doesn’t realize that the memo is actually a nothing burger, and instead they just remember the weeks we spent calling Democrats all treasonous and the FBI all corrupt. Wait, don’t print that last part…uh, I gotta go.”

Mr. Nunes hung up on us. Thanks for the interview, Congressman.

(Picture courtesy of the US government.)

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