Donald Trump Really Hopes There Are No Staircases Between Him And North Korean Peace

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Singapore—

President Donald Trump is doing what no other sitting President has done: meet with the dictator of North Korea. Trump hopes he can strike deal, and Kim Jong-un is ecstatic a President is dignifying his dictatorship.

So close to a potential landmark foreign policy accomplishment, the Trump Administration has put a lot of planning into this meeting. Chief among Mr. Trump’s input has been a personal request that absolutely no staircases be part of the choreographed movements, handshakes, negotiations or televised walks. Also, Trump requested there be no floor inclines more obtuse than six degrees, nor any staircases even in view of where the two leaders would interact.

“The President really does not like stairs or steps of any kind,” explained a White House staffer who requested anonymity to candidly discuss Mr. Trump’s negotiating style. “He gets most of his exercise from aggressively tweeting while forcing out rocky stools of fast food chemicals on the can, so he’s not the most agile guy you’ve ever seen. Stairs just kind of give him the creeps, and he prefers not to even have to see a set of steps in the corner of his eye while he’s negotiating on behalf of the American people. He wants to put all his energy and focus on making America great again, and it wears him out just thinking about lifting a heavy foot over a slight elevation in his way, and lifting his body weight on his 70-year-old spider-veined legs, and pushing up with his swollen purple ankles. He’s too busy playing 10-dimensional chess with America’s adversaries to worry about having to walk 3-dimensionally. He’ll keep to 2-D walking, thank you very much!”

 

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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