In CNN Interview, Stephen Miller Implies He’s Eaten Human Meat

(Picture courtesy of T.J. Hawk.)

New York City, NY—

Presidential adviser Stephen Miller was a total creep in a recent interview with CNN hosted by Jake Tapper.

Miller was booked to discuss Trump’s acquittal in the Senate impeachment trial, but it quickly derailed into Miller’s personal idiosyncrasies.

“The President was exonerated, and I believe that every member of Congress who voted against him ought to be put in prison, starting with Mitt Romney,” Miller said. “And maybe he deserves some light torture for betraying his own party’s leader. The things I’d do to Mitt… I’d start with some medical testing. You never really know a man until you discover how much bodily pain he can take before begging for its end. How would Mitt handle a little asphyxiation? I love it when victims stare at me with their bulging eyes as I squeeze harder and harder. They can’t say a word, but they communicate so much with the terror in their expanding pupils as they come to the realization that I have all the power. All the control. Nothing gets me off more than seeing terror inches from my face. The anxiety and fear of death releases a peculiar, almost sweet hormonal smell. It brings back such nostalgic memories of my past experiments… Dogs, rabbits, Timmy next door… Since I was a little boy, the fragile nature of life has always fascinated me. The instinctual struggle to survive captivates me. How long would it take for Mitt to squeal? I wonder if I could make him forsake his religion to make it stop. Would Mitt be willing to abandon his God and hopes for eternal salvation for a brief moment of relief from my cold fingers around his trachea? And then maybe I’d move to his extremities. Cut off finger by finger, and watch him bleed. I’d let him drip into a bowl, and I’d lap it up like a kitten sipping at a saucer of warm milk. I wonder what Mitt’s blood tastes like. Abstaining from alcohol and coffee like a good Mormon boy probably gives him a unique flavor. I bet he’d be a totally new flavor for me. And then I’d bathe in his juices. If his kids and grandkids could be forced to watch the entire ordeal, it’d be even sweeter. I’d love to lick the salty tears off their cheeks as I mutilate their patriarch’s flesh. Ah, I have the most curious erection right now. It’s being quite impish engorging itself while I’m on live television here with Mr. Tapper! But all in good time, Mitt. Oh, yes, in good time indeed.”

Tapper stared open-mouthed at Miller, who appeared to be lost in his thoughts as he licked his lips. Then Miller asked where the bathroom was, and said he needed a few minutes to himself.

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