The FBI Just Admitted Women Named Karen Commit The Most Crimes

St. Louis, MO—

The Federal Bureau of Investigation today announced the findings of an exhaustively researched study that measured the rate of crime by first name.

The conclusion of the report described that women named “Karen” were the most likely to commit crimes, and that men named “Jesse” were more likely to commit crimes than any other male name.

Other top female criminal names include Patty, Gracelyn, Ruby, Jocelyn, Ida, Lauren, Rylee, Brooke, Brooklyn, Madison, and Scarlet.

Other top male criminal names include Damon, Boris, Ronnie, Angel, Chase, Ryder, Walter, Derek, Zach, and Caleb.

However, Karen was the top most criminal name, with the FBI finding that a full 4% of all criminals are named Karen. The FBI noted that, because Karen was often a name for white women, many of the Karen crimes were so-called white collar crimes, but that the majority of crimes from Karens comes from larceny, arson, attempted murder, and fraud.

[Editor’s note: this article has motivated hundreds of Karens across the nation to call The Halfway Post and request to speak to our manager.]

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