Donald Trump Is Furious Democrats Are Using His Direct Quotes In Ads

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump is reportedly furious that Democrats are going on the offensive with campaign ads featuring unedited footage of his press conferences.

“Trump has been fuming all week,” said a White House staffer who requested anonymity to discuss the President’s emotional outbursts. “He knows his public statements on coronavirus have varied from calling it a hoax, to saying he knew it would be serious all along; from congratulating China on their response efforts, to blaming them for America’s high infection and death rates; and from saying the number of cases would be zero, to saying 200,000 deaths would be a victory. Trump was screaming at his aides yesterday about how his direct quotes should be out of bounds for partisan attack ads no matter how inconsistent and oblivious they sound.”

Other staffers confirmed the details of Trump’s anger.

“The President is especially mad that Republicans turning on him, and are upset with him for harming the Republican Party’s electoral chances across the country,” said another anonymity-requesting staffer. “Trump wants the GOP to brainlessly support him no matter what he says in the name of party solidarity, but Mitch McConnell called Trump yesterday and asked politely if Trump would stop suggesting Republican voters ingest disinfectant cleaning products. McConnell reminded Trump that if too many GOP voters die from drinking Lysol and he loses reelection, he would be much more in danger of suffering legal consequences from his life of fraud, sexual assault, and tax evasion. McConnell pointed out that the only thing protecting him from Federal and New York prosecution is the Constitutional murkiness surrounding the idea of indicting a sitting president. This realization calmed Trump down a bit, but then he asked McConnell for advice on which foreign country he should next try to blackmail into giving him manufactured dirt on Joe Biden.”

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