Trump Killing His Own Voters With Fake Cures Is Amazing 4-D Chess

Washington D.C.—

Democratic strategists are having a field day with President Donald Trump torpedoing his reelection chances with wildly and dangerously incompetent governance, and The Halfway Post reached out to some of them to hear what they had to say.

“It’s truly astounding,” exclaimed DNC Regional Director Todd Perkins. “Part of our messaging for 2020 is that Trump has proved himself to be too unstable to deserve reelection, and every day he’s holding these press conferences that prove that point. He’s outright refused to take responsibility for any of the bad things, and he whines every day that Democratic governors, independent voters, and the media are not congratulating him for everything even remotely positive. And all of this is despite praising the Chinese government’s pandemic for several weeks at the beginning of the year. He’s given us just amazing soundbites of his own conflicting and hypocritical words that, frankly, make him look like a total idiot in our advertising. We’re not twisting his words at all. He’s just said no many dumb, factually incorrect things. Conservatives love to say that Trump is a genius who plays 4-dimensional chess, but Trump is doing a good job to convince voters that he’s actually playing checkers, losing, and eating his own game pieces.”

Other officials addressed the self-owning Mr. Trump is accomplishing.

“Trump has always been toxic and unpopular, but this bungled COVID response has really moved the needle for independents,” explained Sean Bracken, a DNC marketing adviser. “And it’s really starting to bring Republicans down as a whole nationally. The 2018 mid-terms were quite a success for us up and down the ticket, and the dramatic level of Trump-directed anger is looking in polling like it’s going to again be the defining motivator in the electorate. Suburban women are going to be again big for us, just like in 2018 when suburban women helped us win a huge majority in the House. Trump already lost the popular vote once, and it’s easy to draw attention to the fact that the Great Depression, Great Recession, and now whatever this pandemic mess are all thanks to Republican presidents and their executive failures. Our numbers in Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin are looking good according to early poll numbers. I mean, Americans can just take a look at countries like South Korea and Germany, whose numbers are incredibly lower in terms of both cases and deaths than the US. It doesn’t take an expert to realize that South Koreans, thanks to a very competent governmental response with way more rigorous testing, are back out and eating at restaurants in public again while we are still quarantining and worried about a second wave of infections due to Republican governors and mayors not taking quarantine efforts seriously. And of course, we also have to take into account that Michael Bloomberg loathes Trump and has promised to spend a LOT of money to defeat him.”

Many Democrats referenced the polling numbers that backed up their measured positivity about the state of the race so far.

“I’ll be honest, Biden is not the most amazing candidate we’ve ever had,” explained a DNC staffer requesting anonymity, “But I’m cautiously optimistic since Biden has been ahead in most polls all along, and that his polls numbers are getting even better as voters acknowledge that Trump is psychologically incapable of leading during a crisis. The generic Democratic vote is polling very well, too, so that Biden could almost phone it in and coast to victory because voters know him, while Trump every day provides more incentive and proof to believe he’s an idiot. Some of my Republican colleagues are starting to worry that the Senate is more up for grabs than they believed was possible a year ago. Furthermore, it’s just a fact that COVID is killing elderly people due to existing healthy complications, and these older voters tend to skew conservative. At some point, as America continues being a horrifying outlier in the number of coronavirus deaths, it’s not only morally wrong and reprehensible that Trump is doing such a terrible job governing, it’s politically suicidal. And meanwhile, Trump keeps floating these DIY cure ideas from his Presidential podium that no doctor would recommend. It’s not Democrats who trust Trump with their lives and want to try these dangerous disinfectant ideas he’s recommending. Trump in 2016 was always saying he loves low-education voters and touting his poll numbers with that demographic of voter, but he’s actually starting to kill some of them when they try these blind hail mary cure ideas Trump is just casually throwing out during his press conferences.”

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.