Charleston, SC—
Local Trump voter Dave Reesel today posted several memes insisting former-First Lady Michelle Obama was secretly a gay man, but claims his theory has nothing to do with racism.
“I promise I’m not racist,” said Reesel. “I just think there’s something masculine about Michelle Obama, so I did some research on YouTube. Most of the videos were all in on the deep state conspiracy that Michelle is a woman and the real mother of Sasha and Malia Obama, but after several hours I found the few videos that knew the truth!”
Reesel’s explanations turned a little wild.
“It turns out, Michelle Obama is actually a gay Muslim man from Saudi Arabia named Muhammed Baba, who was a big time weightlifter and died of AIDS in the 80s… only Muhammed didn’t really die. He didn’t have AIDS at all! It was a lie invented by the deep state CIA so they could smuggle Muhammed into the USA, and then enroll him in school at Harvard so he could meet Barack ‘Barry’ Hussein Obama, seduce him, and radicalize him to run for president in order to try and turn America Arab! And it almost worked! In fact, Malia and Sasha aren’t girls either! They’re secretly Saudi Arabian men, too. Sasha’s real name is Tariq Baghdadi, and was actually the son of al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS. Malia’s real name was Afreen Ali, and he was Osama Bin Laden’s right hand man in Afghanistan back when al-Qaeda bombed the World Trade Center in the 90s! They just shave their beards every day so they look like little girls, when in reality they’re both in their mid-50s. Tariq Baghdadi is actually six feet tall, so he has to walk around everywhere on his knees to pretend to be Sasha, who is allegedly only 18-years-old. It’s criminal how the fake news refuses to report any of this. But it’s all true! Why do you think every picture of them shows them riding around the White House hallways on camels and wearing turbans? You can’t photoshop that! And none of this has anything to do with racism! I’m the least racist person in the world!”
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