Paul Ryan: “I Did Everything I Could To Stop Trump”

Washington D.C.—

Former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is reportedly regretting the presidency of Donald Trump.

The following is an open letter Mr. Ryan wrote to the American people:

Dear America,

I just want you to know that I have never approved of Donald Trump. His spending has been out of control. And I’m not just saying this because Joe Biden just defeated him for the Presidency. I hope Biden takes serious the threat our ballooned deficits pose to American prosperity.

Sure, it’s an opportunistic moment to start freaking out about the debt after we Republicans did literally nothing to reduce, it even back when I, balanced budget wonder kid Paul Ryan, personally wielded control of the chamber of Congress in which budgetary legislation must begin. And even after retiring from the House I was quiet, and said nothing about Republican responsibility. But now that it looks like Democrats will have control of the executive branch, it is time to start caring again!

I also hope America will not blame me for Trump’s presidency. I don’t want to be depicted poorly in the history books, you know? I ignored his racism, his sexism, his admittance to regularly using his celebrity to sexually assault married women, his divisiveness, his authoritarian impulses, his degradation of American prestige world-wide, his hatchet work severing our national blood bond with NATO and the United Nations, his silence on global human rights issues, and his general xenophobia, but I don’t want history to remember me as an enabler or appeaser.

In the background I did everything I could to stop the presidency that history will no doubt remember as the willfully worst of all time. And in public as well! Think about how many times journalists and reporters asked me for a comment on Trump’s controversy du jour, and I responded that I hadn’t read his tweet in question, or heard his offensive statement, or paid attention to his racism. That was the harshest, most genuine condemnation I could think of!

So it’s not my fault. I want America to remember how awful Republican voters have become! They loved Trump for being an alpha male, and were dumb enough to really think Trump was a good businessman, a good role model, and a human being capable of growth. Even today they think he’s done a good job as he militantly refuses to prepare to hand off the government to Joe Biden a smoldering wreck of economic instability sick with a raging Biblical plague and a smoldering global reputation!

You see, I needed those same Trump voters to vote for me between 2016 and 2018, and try to keep the Republican majority in the House so I could continue to be Speaker of the House! It’s not my fault Republican voters have sunken so low into the pit of demagogue-loving national self-destruction! You have to play the cards you’re dealt!

So don’t blame me, America. I tried to give subtle hints to how I really felt about Donald Trump. I rarely said anything good or complimentary about Trump, you know? I merely said nothing at all. I pretended Trump didn’t exist! I think my silence is indicative of legendary guts and noble honor compared to how sycophantically laudatory the rest of the GOP has been!

So don’t lump me in with Trump in the history books as the reason why America lost its prestige as the beacon of freedom, hope, and idealism throughout the world. In fact, just forget I was in the government at all!


Paul Ryan

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3 thoughts

  1. Mr. Ryan, As a Christian conservative, and as a professional in the business world, I have two votes that I have pledged to the Republican party that have been undeserved.

    My first was supporting John McCain, as I learn more and more about him, but more specifically for his knowledge of Jeffery Epstein ((according to his wife Cindy), but did nothing to save our kids.

    My second was for Romney/Ryan ticket, the worst of any final debate of any election. He laid down and put his hand out for the payout. And for you, a man with many skeletons in his closet exits office. Hmmm, you had another 30 years as a senior person the the people’s house. It makes me wonder….how deep are your crimes? I will pray for you and your family, but am thankful that I’m not your judge.


  2. U R a Hypocrite. Omnibus” Mr. President here is your wall”, when Wisconsin was being raped and pillaged, You Sir deserted your constituents.
    Oh! That’s right you are out of politics.
    Lost debate for V P.


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