New York City, NY—
Andrew Giuliani, the son of Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani, is running for the office of Governor of New York, but his unconventional campaign is getting off to a rocky start with a new straw poll showing he has 0% support in the Republican primary.
Giuliani has reacted to the poll by claiming the election is being rigged against him.
“This election is obviously unfair and crooked from the start because what are the odds that, of all the fraudulent voters we know get polled every election, not even one of them would support me?” demanded Andrew in a press conference this afternoon organized in a Home Depot parking lot. “Some of these polled voters who didn’t pledge their support to me are very suspicious!”
Giuliani’s remarks amused many media commentators, and the Giuliani communications team tried to clarify what he meant.
“We’re continuing to look very closely at the situation, but we can conclusively say we’ve noticed some definite irregularities in the poll’s respondents,” said a Giuliani spokesperson. “It appears some of the people who told the pollsters they would vote for other Republican candidates are dead, and that’s an immediate red flag for sure. Also, some of them have Mexican-sounding names, and therefore can be presumed to be illegal voters secretly bussed to New York in order to answer randomized landline phone calls from polling companies to hurt Andrew’s campaign.”
Mr. Giuliani later doubled-down on the fraud allegations via Twitter:
“It’s a shame to see this process become so politicized. The fraudulent poll answers that weren’t supporting me are a transparent ploy to silence my candidacy, but, I promise you, we will not stop until every single polled person that doesn’t support me is thoroughly investigated and vetted!”
The approximate zero support his campaign has earned so far might be because Giuliani has not proposed any laws or initiatives he’d pursue if elected beyond two promises to make golf America’s new national pastime and reappoint Donald Trump as President of the United States. The power to do either, however, would not be within his purview as New York Governor.
Despite this early hiccup, Giuliani’s campaign schedule remains packed with unconventional events planned throughout the month, including an appearance at a Motel 6 parking lot, an “Ask Me Anything” social media thread on Craigslist, and a meet-and-greet “near the docks” hosted by a man only identified as “Duncan from under the bridge.”
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