And this week’s other Dada News headlines!
- QAnon is telling MAGA fans to boycott sunscreen because sunburns and skin cancer prove that whites are the “purest race.”
- A Fox News executive just accidentally admitted on a hot mic that “Fox is a cum dumpster for Trump because the grift is so profitable, and MAGA dupes are so gullible.”
- Donald Trump’s lawyers are claiming he spent his presidency too high in daily Adderall-induced hazes to have knowingly stolen all the classified documents.
- For some reason Donald Trump is trying to sue to stop Melania Trump’s new memoir from being published.
- A community of MAGA fans in rural Idaho are boycotting water because they allege all the people who got vaccinated are now urinating their demonic, Satanist mRNA antibodies into the country’s water supply.
- Donald Trump reportedly thinks Kari Lake’s election lies are starting to get annoying.
- Mike Pence says that, following every phone call with an Asian diplomat or leader, Donald Trump would talk with an offensive Asian accent for at least fifteen minutes.
- Donald Trump reportedly asked Secret Service agents in the week leading up to January 6th if, hypothetically, it would be possible to “pull a Princess Diana” on Vice President Mike Pence.
- While Rudy Giuliani was showing off nude pictures of Hunter Biden to Sean Hannity on Fox News, he accidentally revealed a nude photo of himself.
- The DOJ just delivered a target letter to Ted Cruz notifying him that they will likely be indicting him tomorrow in a criminal investigation into his being Mothman.
- Ivanka Trump reportedly bought her father a realistic, silicone doll of herself so he’ll leave her alone.
- Donald Trump fired a Mar-a-Lago employee today for taking more than 45 seconds to bring him his next can of Diet Coke.
- For some reason, Louie Gohmert just presented a customized, life-size replica of Hunter Biden’s penis on the House floor.
- After every motorcade ride, Donald Trump tells his drivers “I’d tip you but I don’t have any cash, so I promise I’ll tip you big on the next one.”
- The “Deluxe Wedding Package” at Mar-a-Lago throughout 2022 gifted the bride and groom a copy of US military war plans for the country of their choice.
- The political group “Blacks 4 Trump” is celebrating their 100% boost in Black membership after signing up their second Black member.
- Donald Trump says if he gets indicted for January 6th this week, he’s going to start a hunger strike.
- While filming a rant about the Barbie movie, Ben Shapiro accidentally left out several unclothed Barbie dolls, bottles of lotion, and boxes of tissues he was probably jerking off with right before recording himself.
- A televangelist in Texas just quit his Christian ministry because God is bringing down the inflation rate so fast and making Joe Biden look good.
- Mitch McConnell says he didn’t have a stroke, and was just fondly remembering a recent experience he had while visiting the Louisville Zoo’s turtle room.
- Donald Trump’s lawyers say that he can’t be charged because he didn’t know destroying evidence after it got subpoenaed was against the law.
- GOP Representative Ed Thomason says he agrees with Ron DeSantis that slavery wasn’t all bad, and that slaves maintained great physiques from all the manual labor.
- Samuel Alito says the Constitution has no rules against Supreme Court justices accepting $300,000 gifts of life-like, silicone sex dolls from Japan.
- A disgruntled former Trump staffer says the former president is currently trying to buy his own island and declare independence forming a country called Trumpland with no extradition treaty with the US or laws on incest.
- Donald Trump just asked an Evangelical pastor, “Which one is Abraham, and which one is Noah, and which of the two of them thought up the wooden horse idea to conquer Troy, and which one banged Cleopatra?”
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