MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell says Democrats signed a nefarious, secret alliance in 2020 with an underground race of Mole People, and paid the Mole People to dig underneath the ballot drop boxes throughout the election and steal all the Trump ballots.
The following are quotes Lindell made during a recent interview he did with the conservative news outlet The Armed Freedom Eagle News Network, an ultra MAGA media company whose motto is “Newsmax is RINO, Fox is communist”:
- “The Democrats stole this election from Donald Trump, and I’m going to prove it. I’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of my pillow profits traveling to Wisconsin, Michigan, Georgia, Arizona and Pennsylvania and setting all kinds of elaborately designed traps and nets to catch a Mole Person so I can get a confession out of him. I haven’t caught a Mole Man yet, but, as soon as I do, Sean Hannity told me I can bring the Mole Man onto his show for a live, public interrogation — or waterboarding, depending on how talkative the Mole Man will be.”
- “I have it on good authority the Mole People have dug several holes through the center of the earth that connect America to China on the other side of the globe. That’s why the Democrats thought it would be the perfect crime to steal sacks of Trump ballots and toss them into the holes so some Chinese people could catch it on the other end and dispose of them. But Democrats were clumsy, and left clues everywhere. I’ve found micro bamboo fibers on some of the swing state Biden ballots. The bamboo fibers likely fell off the Mole People’s clothes while they were rifling through all the ballots to find the Trump votes.”
- “Folks, it’s just how gravity works. You throw a burlap sack of Trump ballots into the big hole, and it picks up velocity as it descends through the mantle, outer core, and inner core of the Earth, and it gets going so fast it slingshots through to the other side all the way to Xi Jinping! I’d estimate it takes only five minutes for the sacks to get to the Chinese.”
- “If the core of the Earth is filled with hot, liquid magma, how do the Mole People go back and forth between America and China? The Marxist, leftist scientists and geologists have no explanation for that! Maybe it’s a cable car or bullet train. My point is we just don’t know.”
- “I myself have seen some grainy photos of Mole People that coal miners have taken. Some say it’s a hoax, but that’s what the liberals want us to believe. I refuse to refuse to believe!”
- “We don’t know for a fact the inner core of the Earth is over 9,000 degrees, so, if I were you, I wouldn’t be so sure that the burlap sacks full of Trump votes would melt or catch fire on their way to China. Ask yourself, who will profit the most if everyone freaks out about the climate change hoax, and moves underground? The Mole People are building thousands of hotels and condominiums underground right now so they can profit when the liberals force everyone at gunpoint to move underground because of global warming. That’s the big payoff these lying, socialist scientists have been waiting for all these years with their fake news climate science and charts and graphs. Your ‘gotcha questions’ can’t trick me! The Democrats and the Mole People are doing whatever it takes to stop Donald Trump from keeping America above ground where all the freedom is!”
- “All I’m saying is we shouldn’t believe the scientists and all their peer-reviewed evidence of so-called seismic waves, the planet’s magnetic fields, and underground magma until we catch one of these Mole People. For all we know, the Earth’s core is entirely hollow. Have you ever been there? Of course not. No one has. But I’ve been working with several mining company CEOs to get to the bottom of this. I’m going to make a big announcement about our findings in two weeks, so stay tuned! And, while you wait, why not check out the MyPillow website and get yourself one of our many fine pillow products? You spend a third of your life in bed, why not make it comfy? Please buy a pillow. I’m four months behind on my Fox advertising bills, and they’re going to stop airing my ads. This is kind of the end of the line for MyPillow. Also, I maybe don’t have any more money to find the voter fraud I’ve kind of been making big promises about. But I swear I was so close!”
- “I think President Obama may have been personally involved in the conspiracy. In fact, I don’t think he was really Black. I think his skin was just dirty from crawling through all the holes to China!”
- “And, in case anyone is wondering, if the Mole People have a hereditary monarchy type of government, I’ve already called dibs on marrying the Mole King’s hottest daughter, unless Donald Trump wants her, in which case I have dibs on the Mole King’s second hottest daughter!”
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