I’m currently on a roll with my anti-ICE tweets, and have been going viral almost hourly for the last week straight on Twitter, Threads, and Facebook! I’ve also been retweeted a whole bunch by Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine, and several members of Monty Python — among many other fun people! Thanks for reading my comedy, sharing my work, and helping me grow! 🥰
- After Trump just tweeted out a trolling post that says he’s the “Acting President of Venezuela,” Venezuelan officials trolled him back by announcing they were indicting him for sex-trafficking and launching impeachment proceedings.
- ICE officials worry protesters could pull off citizens’ arrests of agents by dressing up in jeans, body armor, and masks, and, when the ICE agents ask them to identify themselves, just laugh and say, “Good joke, bro!” before handcuffing them when their backs are turned.
- Pete Hegseth’s plan to fire women from the military is backfiring as those badass, battle-trained women are joining the mysterious feminist mafia called “The Clitorati” to resist the Trump Administration’s fascism.
- White House insiders say it’s getting harder to stop Trump from reminiscing fondly about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein in public thanks to his dementia.
- An oil executive is refusing to go along with Trump’s plan to steal Venezuela’s oil and said, “Trump is the least dependable business partner in history. No one goes into business with him who doesn’t someday regret it. And he’s mentally unstablr. He could randomly tariff Venezuela at 150% in the next three days, let alone the three years it would take to get any serious oil infrastructure up and running. He could bomb the entire country with no warning and no Congressional buy-in. He is impulsive, reckless, and stupid. I would not invest a single penny in a million years on any business venture that relies on Donald J. Trump not being a f***ing moron.”
- Top ICE officials are reportedly expressing concern over how much of the agency’s budget is being spent on Kristi Noem’s cowboy hats, hourly wardrobe changes, private plane travel, and the plastic surgery she swears is a business expense because she needs to look good on Fox News.
- Trump is reportedly worried that if the Supreme Court makes his administration have to pay back all the tariffs they collected, he’ll have no more money for ICE, the ballroom, or any more abductions of foreign leaders.
- Greenland officials reportedly keep putting Donald Trump on hold every time he calls, and then play him audio of Obama’s campaign speeches until he hangs up.
- Fed Chair Jerome Powell was reportedly seen reading a copy of the Epstein Files on a bench in front of the Federal Reserve building during his lunch break today.
- A law firm in Minnesota vows its lawyers will make Minneapolis the richest city in America suing “every single ICE agent who violates a Constitutional right, assaults a citizen, makes an unwarranted arrest, uses excessive force, or refuses to self-identify.”
- Trump is reportedly furious that Jerome Powell is not a pussy like all the Republicans in Congress.
- ICE officials are warning that the tactic where 30 ICE agents go into a public library, Target store, or fast food restaurant to arrest one suspected immigrant is burning through the agency’s funding at an alarming rate, and so is the budget Kristi Noem is giving herself for costumes and ridiculously large cowboy hats.
- A new TikTok trend involves the children of ICE agents sneaking laxatives into their dads’ breakfasts so they get interrupted while committing civil rights violations by chronic diarrhea.
- Minneapolis protesters are reportedly following ICE agents home and then banging on their doors every 15 minutes demanding the agent open up and let them look around with no warrant and shouting, “If you have nothing to hide, what’s the problem with us coming inside?”
- Six ICE agents have reportedly shot themselves accidentally falling on ice in Minneapolis and landing on their guns without the safeties on.
- The training program for ICE agents is reporting that “chronic mutual masturbation and other incel behaviors” are inhibiting recruits’ focus on practical instruction sessions.
- Gen Z teens are reportedly doxxing their dads as ICE agents on TikTok.
- Jerome Powell reportedly just announced he had his resignation letter ready to submit, then pulled out a piece of paper that said, “Trump is a main character of the Epstein Files,” and Powell said he “must have accidentally grabbed the wrong document.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 