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- The Republicans deposing Bill and Hillary Clinton over the next two days are reportedly extremely nervous because Donald Trump — very out of character — hasn’t said a word about it, and they’re afraid the Clintons’ answers might lead to the end of Trump’s presidency.
- Trump is reportedly hoping his scheme to withhold money from Minnesota won’t inspire all the blue states to band together and cripple the federal government by withholding their disproportionate funding that essentially bails out all the red states every year.
- A new poll found that 78% of Americans want Britain to lend the US a few of their prosecutors so that some of the Epstein criminals in America get arrested too.
- Republicans are reportedly panicking over Nancy Mace’s resolution to force the Ethics Committee to reveal all of Congress’s sexual harassment settlements, with one saying, “If it comes up for a vote we might as well just hand Hakeem Jeffries the Speaker’s gavel now.”
- Millions of Americans are upset that House Democrats didn’t set up a thermal camera for Trump’s SOTU speech to broadcast live on a YouTube channel called “The Trump Dump Detector” so that Americans could have “full fecal transparency” and see if Trump pooped himself.
- DOJ officials are reportedly worried the French investigation into the Epstein Files will look into the Kushner family’s suspicious banking ties to Epstein’s money laundering operations and then arrest Jared’s dad, who is the current US Ambassador to France.
- Pam Bondi and Todd Blanche have reportedly been arguing all day over who will have to take the blame for lying under oath about not withholding any Epstein Files that document Trump’s involvement.
- God says everyone in the Epstein Files will spend 10,000 Earth years in a purgatory where they have to stay in a room with Donald Trump where he gets one diaper change a week.
- Trump says he was just about to mail out all the tariff checks to everyone right before the Supreme Court ruled the tariffs were unconstitutional.
- Trump is reportedly furious Kash Patel keeps getting caught binge drinking in public because he’s afraid Kash will get drunk and start telling people about all the videos and photos of Trump sexually assaulting children he had to see in order to cover them up.
- A petition calling on GOP Representative Tony Gonzalez to set himself on fire to atone for his relentless sexual harassment of his staffer who killed herself just passed 30 million signatures.
- The rich pedophiles in the Epstein Files are reportedly worried Donald Trump’s health and dementia are spiraling, and, when JD Vance inevitably takes over, he’ll replace Pam Bondi with a less toxic AG who isn’t a complicit, soulless sociopath.
- Trump reportedly went to bed pissed after his SOTU speech because he knew everyone would soon be talking again about how the DOJ got caught covering up FBI documents detailing how he raped a child instead of his speech.
- Nine Republican House members reportedly went to the Congressional physician the morning after Trump’s SOTU speech complaining of knee pain from standing up every 10 seconds.
- The whistleblower complaint Tulsi Gabbard is hiding from Congress reportedly involves Jared Kushner telling Saudi Arabia, the UAE, and Russia that Trump has full-blown dementia so he’ll be handling all bribes from now on, but we won’t know for sure if that report is accurate until it’s revealed.
- Iran has reportedly agreed to end its nuclear program and dismantle all its centrifuges in exchange for the US releasing the FBI interviews with the woman who accused Trump of raping her as a child.
- A top GOP pollster says that Trump’s speech was so long, incoherent, and bitchy that “the likelihood Democrats retake the Senate in the midterms rose 5%.”
- Republicans are reportedly begging Nancy Mace to drop her resolution that would force the Ethics Committee to reveal all of Congress’s sexual harassment settlements because of how many members of Congress would be divorced by their wives.
- Top Republicans are reportedly beginning to worry that the highly effective new vaccine technology for COVID and the flu that achieve virtually perfect immunity will lead to a medical reality where only anti-science Republican voters die of illnesses.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 