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- Trump is reportedly planning to sue America for $10 billion for “presidential harassment” if the Democrats win control of Congress, and will pressure Todd Blanche to sign a DOJ settlement that awards him “no less than $5 billion.”
- Mitch McConnell reportedly came out of his 1st stroke renouncing the GOP and saying that nearly dying had given him an Ebenezer Scrooge style epiphany, but then a 2nd stroke turned him back into a callous Republican, and a 3rd stroke left him convinced he’s a turtle.
- A liberal billionaire is reportedly buying 25 billboards in Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and Texas through all of October that say, “Donald Trump won’t stop ruining everything until gas prices are higher than the age of his and Epstein’s victims.”
- Federal judges are reportedly telling Trump they will approve lawsuits against him declaring martial law following the midterms before the ink dries.
- Vivek Ramaswamy is reportedly shocked that so many Republicans are refusing to vote for him after they were “so unprejudiced and welcoming of Barack Obama’s diversity.”
- Chinese officials say Trump’s voluntary dismantling of the American-led world order has advanced China 25 years ahead in it’s century-long strategic plan to replace the US as the world superpower.
- Kash Patel’s staffers are reportedly worried Trump is pressuring him so hard to use the FBI to steal midterm ballots, rig the elections, and end American democracy that he’s in danger of relapsing and having one of his infamous 10-day benders.
- White House staffers are reportedly worried that if Trump tries to order the FBI to steal states’ ballots to rig the midterm elections then hundreds of FBI agents will call in sick for the days after November 3rd and the plan will go nowhere.
- Top Republicans are reportedly terrified one of the European nations investigating Epstein’s sex-trafficking in their countries will give US media companies an “October surprise” gift of evidence Trump was a pedophile ringleader.
- A top Republican in Nebraska says it’s obvious why farmers and ranchers are choosing Democrats: “Trump’s tariffs killed our soybean and pork exports as China started buying from Argentina, then Trump gave Javier Milei a $20 billion bailout while our farmers are going bankrupt, and then Trump bought low-quality Argentinian beef and flooded the US market with cheap foreign meat.”
- Social media platforms are reportedly beginning to invest in extra servers to be able to handle the historic Internet traffic expected when Trump finally strokes out.
- Farmers in Nebraska have built a giant urinal installation in Omaha with pictures of Trump on it, and are charging $1 to pee on it to raise money for all the farmers and ranchers that Trump’s tariffs and skyrocketing fuel prices have bankrupted.
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