ISIS Pouts, Wonders Why They Never Thought Of Senate Healthcare Bill


In a wiretapped phone conversation between regional ISIS leader Muhammed al-Madija and another ISIS commander leaked to The Halfway Post by an anonymous NSA official, al-Madija expressed frustration that Senate Republicans’ recent Senate healthcare bill made ruining America look so easy.

“We’ve tried bombings, we’ve tried car attacks, we’ve tried knife attacks, but it’s so hard to get to even fifty casualties,” al-Madija said during the call. “But all of a sudden these random senators come along, write a couple healthcare ideas on some pieces of paper, and out of nowhere tens of millions of Americans stand to lose their health insurance and tens of thousands of Americans with preexisting conditions are suddenly in mortal danger. Why didn’t we think of that, Omar?”

The Senate healthcare bill has not yet been passed into law, and the bill faces an uphill struggle to pass in the House, but Republican efforts have not been helped by the bill being widely panned by virtually every single person in America who is not a Republican senator.

The bill has a conspicuous lack of concern for Americans’ health, and is seen as a superficial political stunt to repeal Obamacare that does nothing to help fix the US healthcare crisis in any meaningful way. However, it has earned the fervent support of ISIS.

“What the fuck are we doing with turbans and swords and suicide vests?” asked al-Madija before hanging up the intercepted call. “From now on let’s start a superPAC and start spending all this terror money on getting Republicans elected in the US Senate.”

In the 2016 election the Republican Party allegedly colluded with Russia for electoral gain, but in 2018 Republicans might just collude with ISIS.

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