Joe Biden Caught Leaving Burning Bag Of Dog Poop On White House Porch, Has No Regrets

Washington D.C.—

Late last night, former-Vice President Joe Biden was caught sneaking onto the White House lawn with a bag of what seemed about a week’s worth of dog poop after he lit it on fire and rang the door bell.

A White House security guard, who had just come back from a bathroom break, answered the door and recognized the affable former Vice President. The guard let him go with just a warning not to do it again.

Mr. Biden told The Halfway Post in a brief phone interview this morning that he had no regrets.

“My only regret is Donald didn’t answer the door and didn’t get to smell it himself,” Biden said. “That guy’s a total turd, so I thought I’d fight fire with fire, so to speak.”

Asked if he would try to do it again, Mr. Biden was neither direct nor vague.

“Let’s just say my neighbor’s dog is big dog, and poops a lot,” Biden said. “And I used to go to the White House all the time—I know the guard rotations. Last night was just a fluke cause of the one guard’s bathroom visit. Mark my words: you haven’t heard the last of the Bidenator.”

Thanks for the phone interview, Mr. Vice President.

(Photo courtesy of Marc Nozell.)