The Only People Daniel Radcliffe Enjoys Talking To Are Blind And Have Never Read Harry Potter

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New York, NY—

Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who portrayed the titular character in the Harry Potter film franchise, has spent years being recognized everywhere he goes. Literally every interaction he encounters involves fans who want to talk about Harry Potter, and Radcliffe has had enough.

In a new phone interview with The Halfway Post, actor Daniel Radcliffe explained that the only people he enjoys talking to anymore are either blind or illiterate because they don’t bother him about arcane HP details, wild theories on various plot moments, or fan-fiction.

“Almost everyone who approaches me has written fan-fiction about the Harry Potter world that they’re desperate to show me, and 99% of these fan-fictions go the exact same way,” said Radcliffe. “If a girl wrote it, she inevitably marries me at the end. If a guy wrote it, I die at some point and Ginny falls in love with him at the end. You would not believe how many Harry-dies scenes I have read, and some of them are F’ed up and really gratuitous.”

To avoid Harry Potter super fans, Radcliffe has taken to volunteering for various organizations helping the blind and the illiterate.

“You cannot possibly fathom how much I enjoy talking to people who haven’t read Harry Potter,” said Radcliffe. “It’s like my safe space. My favorites are the blind because we can talk about all kinds of topics without the books every coming up. Sometimes, though, blind people listen to Harry Potter on tape, and then when they bring it up I have to quietly slip out of the room. It takes them a while of talking to no one before they realize I’m gone, but can you blame me? You would not believe how hard it is to find someone who has not been obsessed with the books for years. When people don’t recognize me as Harry and they ask me what I do, I tell them I’m an electrician.”

Asked what the worst aspect of his fame was, Radcliffe had an answer immediately.

“Definitely the creepy fan-fiction. I could teach university-level writing courses just from reading all the terrible fan-fiction people have begged me to evaluate. I have seen some truly awful writing. But the weirdest fan-fiction writers are the ones who are actually really good. A girl once gave me a 1300-page novel she wrote about Severus Snape’s adolescence, and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever read—and I am very well-read in classic literature. It had the psychological depth of The Brothers Karamazov, the social wit of Huckleberry Finn, and the narrative experimentation of To The Lighthouse. It brought me to tears several times. I asked the girl why she didn’t use her obvious talents writing an original work, and she told me that she taught herself lucid dreaming in order to have sex with me every night in her dreams. Its the really passionate people who scare me the most.”

Thanks for the interview.

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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