The Alt-Right Is Boycotting Crayola For Including “Politically-Correct” Brown and Black Crayons

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Charleston, SC—

The latest stupid product boycott has been started by Alternative-Right activists who are claiming Crayola, the crayon maker, is being politically-correct by including brown, black, and other “minority color” crayons in every crayon package.

“There is a black crayon, a brown crayon, a red crayon, a yellow crayon, several tan shades of Mexican, but only one white crayon,” says Josh Heine, the alt-right Internet troll who started the boycott. “If there are going to be so many crayons for blacks, hispanics, Asians, and Native Americans, we demand that from now on 51% of every crayon package needs to be shades of white to honor the fact that America is a white-majority country.”

Heine’s boycott has attracted the loyalty of eight of his neo-nazi Twitter friends, though when one includes the number of fake scammer Twitter accounts with which they troll and harass black entertainment figures, the boycotters number over 3,000.

Crayola released a statement that Heine’s boycott has had no discernible effect on their sales.

“We don’t think those Alt-Right dweebs were buying any of our products in the first place. Also, we don’t give in to threats motivated by racism,” said Crayola spokesperson James Booker.

Heine’s other boycott ventures include the following:

Star Wars and Disney—for including black storm troopers in their movie

Marvel—for making a woman superhero movie

Any book written by an ethnic minority

Peanuts—because George Washington Carver invented them

James Bond—for the mere idea that Idris Elba might play Bond, even though Idris Elba would objectively make an epic James Bond.

(Picture courtesy of Mark Bonica.)

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