San Francisco, CA—
Mexican migrant workers have long been employed in the most back-breaking agricultural jobs in the United States without any thanks from Alt-Right racists who blame immigrants’ exploited fruit and vegetable-picking work for white collar wage stagnation, but, thanks to President Donald Trump’s draconian immigration policies, Alt-Righters finally have the chance to take back the jobs that Mexican migrants stole.
One such Alt-Right neo-Nazi, William Bragford of Los Angeles, seized his opportunity to take an avocado-picking job left vacant following an ICE deportation, and quit after just 20 minutes of picking avocados.
“This f***ing sucks,” said Bragford, who sported underboob sweat stains on his t-shirt. “I thought that if Mexicans could do this job it must be so easy, but I’m already sunburned, worn out, and pissed off. The worst part about this avocado-picking job is that it is off the books, so to speak, so I’m earning less than the minimum wage. I’m actually learning a lot about the unfair and amoral exploitation of immigrant workers by being here, which I guess is good to know, but I’m having a little bit of an existential crisis because I want to blame these brown people, but it is painfully obvious that they’re the biggest victims of all here in this migrant agricultural industry. I want to feel racially superior to them, but I’m conflicted because here they are doing way harder work than anything I’ve ever done in my entire life for just enough money to survive and enjoy a few cheap beers after they’re done picking, yet they find more simple happiness in their hard work singing their ethnic songs and pulling pranks on each other in the fields and orchards than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. And they don’t give up! I’ve only been working here twenty minutes and I’ve bitched about it the whole time, and now I’m throwing in the towel. Shit…maybe Mexicans are a more superior race than American whites…. nah, that can’t be. I guess I’ll have to listen to a Trump speech or an Alex Jones rant to renew my hatred for Mexicans cause this experience has humanized them in my eyes. If my Alt-Right Reddit friends ever find out I’ve been sympathizing with illegal Mexicans they’ll call me a snowflake!”