St. Louis, MO—
The Green Party is beginning to plan for Election 2020, and the Greens are strategizing once again to steal enough votes from the eventual Democratic presidential nominee so that a Republican presidential candidate wins.
“The Democratic Party is in bed with corporate interests, and it’s not our fault that Democrats cannot pass the Green Party purity test of liberalism,” said Green Party Committee Chairman Ron Elders. “Al Gore and Hillary Clinton are the perfect examples of the Democratic Party’s failed centrist, ‘third way’ politics, and if the Democrats would just turn unelectably liberal, we might finally endorse the Democratic candidate.”
Elders kept repeating the phrase “it’s not our fault,” perhaps as a rhetorical form of self-persuasion in order to avoid thinking about the consequences of the Green Party’s role in helping elect disaster-presidents George W. Bush and Donald Trump.
“It’s not our fault that Democrats only give us 90% of what we want,” Elders said. “That’s just not good enough for us. We want to be able to fall asleep at night, so the Democrats leave us with no choice except to peel off enough voters for them to keep losing elections.”
Elders eventually acknowledged the pro-GOP effect of their presidential campaigns smearing Democratic candidates.
“Granted, our efforts have meant that the Republican candidate has won several elections and we have gotten about 0% of what we want, but it’s not our fault that Democrats didn’t give us that extra 10% we demand.”
Thanks for the interview Mr. Elders, but we here at The Halfway Post wish you bad luck in 2020.