Local Mom Demands Her Children Clean Their Rooms “Just In Case The UPS Man Goes Upstairs”

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St. Louis, MO—

Local mom Phyllis Reed woke up her three children this morning at 7 am to clean their rooms before going to school because she was expecting a package from the UPS delivery guy, and she wanted the entire house to be clean on the offhand chance that the UPS man would go upstairs for some unforeseen reason.

“I want this house entirely clean!” she yelled at 7 sharp. “Your rooms need to be spotless, and make your beds. You never know if the UPS guy will need to use the upstairs bathroom, or if there is a flooding natural disaster and we must take refuge upstairs! I don’t want the UPS guy to see that my children sleep in their beds and ever mess them up. Take turns vacuuming the floors. I want these carpets to look like we installed them this morning. If there is even one speck of dust anywhere I will make you start over! And remember, Santa is watching right now. You want presents at Christmas right? Well then your rooms better look as if they are purely for decoration and that they have never been used before.”

Mrs. Reed herself furiously cleaned the kitchen, the downstairs bathroom, and mopped the front hallway floor.

Deciding that wasn’t enough, though, Mrs. Reed called her husband to come home from work and clean the garage and basement, just in case.

“What if there is a tornado while the UPS guy is delivering a package and we must take shelter down in the basement? You want him to think I’m a terrible mother and wife? Is that what you want?” Mrs Reed demanded of her husband. “Take a personal day—I don’t care if you’re already there. I’m losing my mind here. This house looks as if sometimes we recreationally live inside of it. Do you want me to break down? Because I’m going to break down!”

[UPDATE:]

The UPS delivery man did come as expected, but merely stepped onto the front porch, dropped the package by the door, rang the doorbell and left. But now the Reed family has a clean house, and is that the worst thing to ever happen to them?

(Picture courtesy of Amy Gizienzki.)

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