Camels Can Go Thru Needle Eyes Easier Than Flood Victims Can Get Into Joel Osteen’s Church


Houston, TX—

Accidentally giving himself away, Joel Osteen refused to open his mega church’s doors to victims of Hurricane Harvey’s destruction and flooding, and showed his true colors as an opportunistic, religious con man who doesn’t care about following Jesus’s example of helping the needy. Oops.

Mr. Osteen reportedly opened his doors to flood victims Tuesday morning, but only after a thorough and hilarious public shaming on Twitter.

Meanwhile, in a science experiment in Dallas, Texas, that began, incidentally, right as Hurricane Harvey struck the Houston metropolitan region, a camel was forcible inserted through the eye of a needle.

The experiment was conducted in order to find out exactly how long it would take for a camel to complete such a task. The camel made its way entirely through the needle eye in only one hour and six minutes.

Given that the scientific experiment was conducted at the same time as the flooding began in Houston, scientists can reasonably use the time of the experiment as a dependent variable for an experimental race between the camel and Joel Osteen’s charity.

Unfortunately for Osteen’s public relations, it took several days for Osteen to decide to open his church to the natural disaster victims. As a result, scientists can confirm, once and for all, that Jesus was on to something with his camel-needle eye parable: it IS easier for a camel to get thru the eye of a needle than it is for a rich person to get into Heaven…because—let’s be honest—Joel Osteen just screwed himself out of the Kingdom of Heaven.


(Picture courtesy of RobertMWorsham.)

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