St. Louis, MO—
Mathematicians working for Washington University in St. Louis have discovered the formula with which President Donald Trump’s exaggerations can be calculated.
“We exhaustively studied Trump’s campaign promises and his executive actions as President,” explained team lead Dorothy Wehr. “By plotting virtually every statement he has made in public since he announced his presidency in the summer of 2015 on a graph, we discovered that to find the truth of any statement he makes we should subtract a full 93% from whatever promise or statistical statement he made.”
Their discovery immediately earned several private grants from WashU itself to continue the unparalleled study of Trump’s concept of reality.
“Trump is quite conspicuously ruining our country before our eyes,” explained Washington University Dean of Sciences Mark Zimmer, “And it’s very convenient that the answer to the riddle of Trump’s blatant exaggerations has been solved. This will no doubt aid in confronting and challenging the President’s obvious obstructions of both transparency and honesty. For instance, Mr. Trump recently claimed that the FBI’s reputation is in tatters and that there’s no evidence whatsoever of his collusion with Russia, so when we apply the formula to those statements we can figure that Trump is royally f***ed with regards to the FBI scandal, and is on borrowed time before he is removed from office. Aren’t the implications of this mathematical break-through fun?”
Yes they are.