Lone Republican Senator Wonders If His Party Has Really Gotten Out Of Hand

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Washington D.C.

Republican Senator Harold Philips of Missouri interviewed with The Halfway Post this morning, and expressed what he called his “existential morosity” at being apparently the only Republican who recognizes that “shit has really hit the fan” since Trump was sworn in as President.

“Like, is it just me, or have we really let things get out of hand?” Phillips asked rhetorically at the start of the phone conversation. “We were about to elect a child molester in Alabama just so long as he would vote the way we’d need him to vote for tax reform. What. The. Hell. And this Russia stuff is outrageous! Trump is straight up an asset of Russia. No one’s talking about it, but as of right now the US is pretty well cleaved from Europe. And NATO. And we’ve abdicated moral leadership in the United Nations. Isn’t that exactly what Putin wants? Isn’t it even worse for America if Donald Trump isn’t willingly blessing Russia geopolitical strategy? The fog of partisanship blinded me to this for a long time, but it is very obvious in hindsight that President Obama was actually a relatively stable and responsible president. Trump is very likely the biggest fraud and traitor in American history. Donald Trump expects Mueller to exonerate him? Give me a break! Jared Kushner is on borrowed time before he gets indicted, and what is Fox f***ing News gonna say about the whole thing being a hoax when Trump’s own family is implicated in the collusion? Meanwhile, Jeanine Pirro is outing herself as a philosophic cave shadow of fascism. Joining the party Sean Hannity started. Pirro is saying the FBI is attempting a coup… like, for real, am I the only Republican to acknowledge publicly that that is seriously f***ed up? Fox needs to cancel her show, as it’s a clear and present danger to our democracy and rule of law—and she’s blatantly biased against the FBI given that her husband was sent to prison for conspiracy and tax evasion. She personally advises President Trump. Yikes. She’s a mess express.”

Background—an excerpt from a 2000 New York Times article about Mr. Pirro’s sentence:

“Under the original federal sentencing guidelines, Mr. Pirro could have faced 37 to 46 months in prison. But by agreement with prosecutors, he received a lower sentence because he had waived his right to appeal, partly because of what he said were the long odds of winning, and partly, according to friends, because of the case’s financial and emotional toll on his family.

Mr. Pirro is now expected to surrender to federal authorities on Jan. 9. He is expected to serve his sentence at the minimum-security federal prison camp at Eglin Air Force Base in Eglin, Fla., which has a tennis court and a secluded bay inlet for sunbathing. If he behaves well, he could possibly be released in two years or less. He had requested that prison because his family has a vacation home in Florida.”

[Editor’s Note: It has come to our attention that Senator Harold Phillips of Missouri does not exist, and—besides Claire McCaskill—Roy Blunt is actually Missouri’s Republican senator, and he’s quite a work of political art. His wife and three kids are all lobbyists. Lol. The whole family has profitably learned to live and work in the swamp. He’s ancient, and beat Democratic wonder kid Jason Kander in 2016 with incumbency alone, underperforming Trump in the state. Also, his name last name is blunt and he’s against marijuana legalization. Wtf. What a nerd.]

(Picture courtesy of brownpau.)

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