GOP Looking Into Privatizing Drone Strikes, Claims Free Market Principles Will Bring Down Costs


Washington D.C.—

In the latest cost-saving effort by Republican lawmakers, the ultra-conservative House Freedom Caucus has proposed legislation that would privatize the US military’s drone program.

“These drones strikes are just costing too much,” explained Republican Congressman Herb Plackis of South Dakota. “All the governmental regulation and red tape involved in picking out which Middle Easterners and North Africans get bombed is really hampering the efficiency of the program. And is no one thinking about our deficits or debt? It’s like Obama wanted the US to go bankrupt by setting up a legal framework to carry out drone strikes only when legally and situationally appropriate, and by working overtime to minimize innocent civilian deaths as much as possible. That’s why I say privatize the drones!”

Other Freedom Caucus co-sponsors have argued that privatization would make the drone program more ethical.

“It’s fool-proof!” exclaimed Congresswoman Sandra Winters of Colorado. “All we have to do is let companies compete with each other according to free market principles to bid for a governmental contract to carry out the dronings on behalf of the government and American people. And it will be sooo much cheaper because a private company can cut corners in the droning business in ways that a public, democratic government cannot. Instead of wasting tax dollars on reconnaissance efforts, international intelligence sharing, and strict strategic protocols, whatever private drone company that wins this contract can do whatever it wants. And if there is one thing that we conservatives know, it’s that nothing ensures integrity and consideration of future and long-term consequences like the profit-motive of private industry!”

The White House was asked about the privatization effort, but a spokesperson for President Trump would only reveal that the President thought it would be “cool” if all of the US military’s drones had his name stamped somewhere on them.


(Picture courtesy of Chris Hunkeler.)

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