Stephen Miller Is Translating Mein Kampf Into J.R.R. Tolkien’s Elvish For Some Reason

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

Washington D.C.—

Adviser to the President Stephen Miller has been busy drafting numerous immigration-related executive orders that have instantly been thrown out of courtrooms across the country for blatant racial and religious discrimination, but Mr. Miller has been quite industrious in his free time as well.

A new publishing house announcement from Alt-Right Books Inc. has revealed that Mr. Miller has nearly finished authoring a translation of Mein Kampf into the fictional language of Elvish featured in English writer J.R.R. Tolkien’s series The Lord of the Rings.

It is not immediately apparent if there is any need or cultural desire for this translation, but Alt-Right Books Inc. did see fit to award Miller a $500 advance to write it.

The Halfway Post reached out to Mr. Miller yesterday for a comment regarding the book’s coming publication, and he offered the following rationale for writing it:

“So I was watching a marathon of Lord of the Rings the other day, and it just reminded me how much I love the languages that Tolkien created as a part of his unprecedented mythological world-making. Dwarfish is cool, too, but Elvish just has such a nice Aryan-sounding ring to it. The Elves are all blonde, pretty, tall, and long-lived, and that’s kind of exactly the race Adolph Hitler envisioned when he instituted all his eugenics policies. So I was somewhere in the middle of the battle of Helm’s Deep in The Two Towers when it struck me that Mein Kampf has been translated into a lot of languages, but the languages of Middle Earth are a real untapped market. So it started off as a hobby, but the further I got into the translation the more I realized that, hey, I could maybe make some money off of this if I could get into the untapped niche of Lord of the Rings-loving white supremacists. It’s like the perfect combination of my two favorite things. And if this Elvish edition is successful, who knows what could come next! Everyone always says that German sounds harsh and guttural, but imagine how nasty Mein Kampf would sound being read in the black speech of Mordor. Imagine hearing someone blame Jews for the world’s problems in the disgusting language of Orkish. They don’t call it the ‘Dark Tongue’ in Lord of the Rings for nothing!”

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