Local, Uninsured Republican Is Ecstatic He Got Cancer Because It’s “Owning Liberals So Bad”


St. Louis, MO—

Local Republican voter Max Malmart was recently diagnosed with skin cancer, and, though he has no health insurance at all, the cancer diagnosis is not getting him down.

“This is the best thing ever!” exclaimed Mr. Malmart. “I stopped paying for health insurance in 2010 when Obama and the Democrats passed Obamacare so I could get back at them for turning America into a communist state with their 3% tax increase on billionaires to pay for poor people like me’s subsidized insurance, and boy has it paid off! I’m riddled with advanced skin cancer on my arm, and it’s no doubt going to bankrupt me because it’s gonna cost so much for surgeries and chemo and everything. Ha! Take that Nancy Pelosi! Oh, man, wouldn’t it be great if the doctors had to amputate my arm off? That would own the libs so bad. Liberals are gonna be so mad when they see me walking around town with a missing arm. Or even better, what if I died? I can just imagine their liberal tears that a citizen like me died simply because I didn’t have health insurance and didn’t do anything about my cancer until it was too late. That’s the last thing liberals want for freedom-loving Americans like me, so that’s what I hope they get! The day I got my cancer diagnosis was the most awesome day of my life. I’m sticking it to the libs so hard! F*** yeah!”


(Picture courtesy of Luisa.)

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