A Halfway Post reporter found a sheet of paper left behind in a D.C. diner signed by Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale full of prospective 2020 slogans. The following are the Trump team’s early 2020 ideas:
- “Trump is publicly racist so you don’t have to be!”
- “Because owning the Libs is more important than wage growth or Constitutional freedom!”
- “When was the last time you read the Constitution anyway?”
- “Vote for Trump because the Democrats will be way too mean to all the average working-class Americans who have big yachts with smaller yachts inside of them!”
- “Vote for Trump, because Stephen Miller’s concentration camp project still needs more time in order to compete with Hitler’s record!”
- “Whether you’re a zionist billionaire, or an incel Nazi, Donald Trump has the Jewish policies for you!”
- “Renovate existing fencing! Renovate existing fencing!”
- “Because Hillary Clinton has turned herself super small and now crawls into the brains of all the Democratic candidates, and so whether the Democratic nominee is Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren or anyone else, know that it’s really Killary!”
- “Don’t you want to see which cabinet members Donald Trump will fire and not fully replace with Senate-confirmations in the next term?”
- “If you reelect Donald Trump, he promises to golf a little less!”
- “Trump is not a liar, only everyone else is!”
- “If Trump stays president, gas prices will get lower periodically when Saudi Arabia murders and mutilates American resident journalists, and feels bad about hurting our feelings! Yay periodically low gas prices!”
- “Vote Trump, because human rights are for snowflake pussies!”
- “Don’t you want to see Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, and all the other Republican senators humiliate themselves further for four more years?!”
- “Trump 2020: The Russians haven’t fully got back their investment yet!”
- “Donald Trump has never read the Bible, so he’ll never accuse you of acting unChristian like those jerk liberals!”
- “Except for several exceptions, Donald Trump is just like Jesus!”
- “If you missed your chance in 2016, now is your turn to be a part of another stunning Electoral College technicality victory in spite of America’s recurring popular desire for Democrats!”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!
(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)
The Halfway Post 