Trump Claims Democrats Blackmailed Zelensky Into Blackmailing Him Into Extorting Zelensky

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today made the following claims on Twitter that many political commentators described as “illogical,” “preposterous,” and “stupid” immediately following the publishing of Trump’s Twitter thread:

“I didn’t blackmail Zelenksy, or extort him! If anything, Democrats are the ones who did the blackmailing. I bet Crooked Hillary and Menstruating Pelosi blackmailed Ukrainians into tricking ME into extorting Zelensky for my personal political gain, but really it was THEIR quid pro quo. SAD!”

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Joe Biden’s son started working on the board of that company in Ukraine right as the witch hunt was going on. A lot of people are saying I’m the one who got extorted, and I agree. Sleepy Joe Biden set this up to make me look stupid, corrupt, and petty, but I’m the total opposite of those words!”

“Just today I was talking to Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes, and they were both saying I am WAY too smart to extort President Zelensky. They agreed I’m the smartest president, maybe of all time! So I’d never do a quid pro quo. Nancy Pelosi, however, is a pro at quids and quos. She does them all the time. Democrats should be investigating her!”

“Jim said that if I had done n extortion he would have seen it and disclosed my assault against the law to Shifty Schiff. Jim Jordan NEVER sees an assault crime and doesn’t report it!”

Like usual, no one in America really knows how to respond to our dumbfuck president.

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