Trump Fans With No Health Insurance Are Thankful They Aren’t “Obamacare Slaves”

Kansas City, MO—

Local Trump voters have participated in a Halfway Post survey about healthcare, and, though they don’t currently have health insurance, they remain confident that their lack of insurance is still better than being on any Obamacare plan.

“I’m so relieved Republicans stopped the Obamacare mandate, and that I don’t have to be forced into that system of neo-slavery,” explained Ronald Tucker, 41. “I had a run of bad luck last year and broke both my legs and went into a coma for a couple weeks after a real bad car crash, and because I didn’t have any insurance my bill skyrocketed well above $200,000. After that I lost my house, my car, all my things, I declared bankruptcy, and then lost my job because I stopped being able to shave, bathe, and have clothes that weren’t in tatters. Now I’ve been homeless for the last three years and survived by eating trash and collecting my urine in rusty soup cans, but at least I ain’t no Obamacare slave being forced to spend $150 a month to have some fancy, elitist, government-subsidized, out-of-pocket maximum expense limit! I may be physically destitute now, but getting an Obamacare plan would have made me spiritually destitute!”

Other Trump voters reiterated misguided fears of death panels.

“I’m gonna be real with you all,” said Sherry Pinklestein, 55, “My Facebook posts are filled with so many tirades that libtards would smear as ‘racist,’ ‘anti-Semitic,’ and ‘homophobic’ that if I was ever on Obamacare, the Democrats would certainly have their death panels immediately put me to death. I got a top-secret email several years back talking about how everyone’s grannies were getting letters from the government with appointment dates and times for a meeting in the Oval Office with Obama himself where he’d murder them on the spot. He’d try to force them to convert to Arab, and if they didn’t swear on a Koran he’d cut off their heads right there with one of those Muslim swords. I can’t imagine how much taxpayer money was wasted constantly having to replace the carpets. The email said that tens of thousands of bodies of Obama’s victims were buried right there on the White House lawn, and the blood was used to fertilize Michelle’s vegetable garden! I hope Trump can get to the bottom of this giant scandal and the truth gets out, and soon, because I have this bump on the back of my head that has ballooned to the size of a mango. I can’t get it checked out because I don’t have health insurance, but it hurts all the time and I think it may be related to why I’ve recently turned blind in one eye and I wake up every morning coughing blood. I’m sure once Republicans finally repeal Obamacare, I’ll finally get that amazing health insurance plan Trump has been promising I’ll love so much I won’t be able to believe it! Yep, TrumpCare will fix me right up for so cheap so I can live long enough to see some more of this winning Trump’s doing for us!”

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s