Mike Pence Claims When Trump Broke Laws, He Was Away Praying For The Troops

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump’s claims of innocence in his various Ukrainian and obstruction of justice scandals are being disproven every day, but Vice President Mike Pence promises he had no involvement in any of them.

In a brief comment to reporters this morning, Mr. Pence maintained his innocence.

“Every time the President ever discussed Ukraine, or Zelensky,” Pence said, “Or extortion, or putting a hit on Yovanovitch, or bribery, or Stormy Daniels, or obstruction of Mueller, or obstruction of Congress, or obstruction of justice, or witness intimidation, or collusion with Russia, or collusion with Saudi Arabia, or collusion with Israel, or emoluments clause violations, or lying about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, or betraying the Kurds, or charity fraud, or stock fraud, or money laundering, or assaulting women, or the concentration camps, or losing migrant children to possible sex trafficking, or university fraud, or illegal nondisclosure agreements, or hush money payments, or campaign finance violations, or incitement of violence, or inspiring incels and neo-nazis, or undeserved security clearances, or nepotistic choices in executive advisers, or attacks on the media, or illegal executive overreach, or veiled calls for politically motivated violence against his opponents, or negligence during Hurricane Maria, or all the lies and perjury, or tax evasion, or all the fake news, or collusion with Fox News, or all the illegally hoarded documents demanded by Congress, or lying about Iran, or assassinating Iranian generals, or threatening war crimes, or promoting police violence, or his unsecured foreign phone calls. Any time any of these things were ever discussed, I always happened to be in the other room praying to Jesus Christ to keep our troops safe and bring them home. So there’s no reason to investigate me. No reason at all.”

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