Donald Trump: “Michael Flynn Said He Was Sorry”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump addressed the controversy of Bill Barr dropping the prosecution of disgraced Michael Flynn, even after Flynn pleaded guilty twice, with the following tweets:

“I think Bill Barr is doing a great service for America by letting Flynn go. Sure, he admitted guilt, but that was before he remembered I take care of my friends who don’t rat on me! Unlike Michal Cohen, who is writing a totally fake book about me! Don’t believe any of it!”

“When Michael Cohen admitted guilt for helping me commit crimes, it was totally a lie! I’m so innocent, and the Trump Organization is so pure, that he didn’t need to go to prison at all! He made it all up! I don’t know why he wants to go to prison so bad that he’d plead guilty to made up crimes!”

“But Michael Flynn did absolutely no wrong! And he said he was sorry anyway, so what does it matter? I’m a very forgiving person, so I think America should just move on and not look deeper into Flynn’s original claims because those were fake news that made me look bad!”

“But now that I have directed Bill Barr to not prosecute Flynn, and he doesn’t have to go to prison thanks to me, everything he says about me is 100% real news! And this isn’t quid pro quo! Or bribery, okay? So don’t even think it!”

For the record, Michael Flynn and his Michael Flynn Jr. are little bitches:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!