Trump Claims He Was About To Make COVID Disappear, But “Not Anymore!”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump is reportedly furious he lost the election to President-Elect Joe Biden, and tweeted his sore loser frustration this morning:

“I WON BY A LOT! I’ve accomplished more than any other president in history! I deserve reelection! This is worse than if George Washington didn’t get reelected! How does someone like FDR get reelected 3 times, but I don’t? HE HAD NO LEGS!”

“And Joe Biden has no brains! The only way he won is if the NASTY RADICAL DEMOCRATS cheated! I know for a fact they printed a lot of fraudulent votes because that’s what I did! So the fact that they won is VERY SUSPICIOUS!”

“And to think I was just about to make COVID disappear like magic. Well, not anymore! America doesn’t deserve it! COVID is already getting worse since the election because it heard Biden beat me. COVID knows a weak president when it sees one! COVID was practically defeated a few days ago, but now all of a sudden it’s everywhere. Way to go, Sleepy Joe!”

“The Democrats are going to be powerless to stop COVID because they don’t have my GREAT STRENGTH. Sleepy Joe is going to let Dr. Fauci get on television every day and say all their plans out loud so COVID can hear everything! You have to be unpredictable to beat COVID!”

“That’s why I said to inject Lysol and stick UV wands up your butt! It was to confuse COVID, and it totally worked! COVID was expecting a lot of Lysol and anal penetration, but did we ever do it? Of course not! It was only a diversion!”

“And the diversion worked because COVID is terrified of President Trump, and never knows what I’m going to do next! Now COVID was just about to surrender, but no one is happier about Biden winning than COVID! COVID is dancing on rooftops screaming ‘Death to America!’”

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Trump Claims His COVID Is All Gone, And He Did 45 Pull-Ups This Morning

Trump Says 3 COVID Ghosts Visited Him Last Night

God Can’t Believe Christians “Won’t Take A Hint” From COVID19, Hurricanes

Evangelicals Aren’t Praying Hard Enough For God To End COVID, Are They?

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