The Halfway Post has just received a leaked copy of a draft of President Donald Trump’s concession speech, and it includes the word “unfair” just under one hundred times.
It also uses the word “mean” 29 times, the word “rigged” 17 times, “illegal” 51 times, “Chinese collusion” 9 times, “Hunter Biden” 82 times, and “revenge” 36 times.
The copy was leaked to THP by a White House janitor requesting anonymity who said he was ecstatic Trump would be leaving.
“President Trump is at least ten times needier and more prissy than any president I’ve served in my 28-year career at the White House,” the janitor said. “And he’s the worst by far in terms of messiness. Every morning he spills orange foundation makeup all over his bathroom sink and carpet we have to wipe up and vacuum, he eats ice cream very sloppily in bed so his sheets are always sticky and need to be washed every single day, and he uses so much hairspray the bathroom is sometimes literally foggy. Don’t even get me started on how he wrecks the toilet every four hours!”
The speech also includes the following details:
- Trump blames Mike Pence’s low energy for their loss, and says he knew he should have replaced Pence with Ivanka as his VP choice.
- Trump blames Rudy Giuliani for not getting better dirt on Biden from Russia than the absurd Hunter Biden conspiracy theories.
- Trump claims he would have won New York’s electoral votes if Andrew Cuomo hadn’t pretended New York had COVID.
- Trump says his upcoming, pre-planned, indefinitely long vacation to Russia has nothing to do with any misconduct in his business or political career.
- Trump vows to run for president again in 2024, and if he loses he’ll run again in 2028. And if he loses that he’ll run again in 2032.
- Trump says Eric Trump’s speech at the RNC convention could have been better.
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