Donald Trump Claims He’s Looking Forward To Having More Time For Melania, Charity, And Church

President Donald Trump appears to be slowly accepting the reality that Joe Biden won the election, and will be taking his job on January 20th.

He tweeted about his post-presidency plans this morning:

“Maybe it’ll be nice to have some free time if I LET Joe Biden be President, even though he TOTALLY cheated and had 50 million illegal immigrant votes in the most rigged election in American history! He wants to take credit for the accomplishments of his predecessor, which I’d NEVER do!” 

“I suppose it’ll give me time for things that really matter. My biggest regret these last 4 years has been not having more time to turn my head to see Melania’s beautiful smile full of unconditional love for me, or hold Melania’s hand. To catch up on missed time we might just hold hands for days at a time!”

“And I miss doing charity work as well. Since moving to Florida and starting a new foundation I have learned so much about non-profit laws. I promise this time I won’t accidentally spend millions of dollars on frivolous, personal expenses! My problem was I had kept the old Trump Foundation’s debit card right next to my credit cards in my wallet, and by mistake I kept grabbing the wrong one!”

“And, most of all, I can’t wait to start getting to church more often. Being President kept me so busy, and every Sunday morning when I got all dressed up for church, someone would come in with my daily briefing. I told them to keep it to one page because Jesus was waiting, but sometimes they’d never put in pictures and it’d take all morning to get through! And they’d insist that I had to read it at golf courses for national security reasons!”

“So maybe taking a break before my next presidential term isn’t such a bad idea. I never wanted the Presidency to change me, and as a private citizen again I can return to my trademark interests: faithfulness to Melania, selfless and altruistic generosity for others, and humble devotion to a power higher than myself!”

Trump then took a two-hour break from Twitter before adding one last tweet:

“Oh, and Barron, too!”

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

One thought

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.