President Donald Trump just launched a novel legal effort to shield the Trump Organization from several fraud investigations currently being pursued by New York prosecutors: registering the Trump Organization as a church.
Mr. Trump’s lawyers have suggested that the cult-esque worship MAGA fans display at Trump’s political rallies provides irrefutable proof that Donald Trump is a prophet of America’s newest major religion.
“They wear Trump-branded clothing, fly Trump flags, repeat his memorable quotes, and faithfully follow all his pronouncements on Twitter,” explained Trump lawyer Alec Dirnow during a court hearing today. “And Trump sexually assaults girls and women neither more nor less than some notable Catholic priests out there. So, as you can clearly see, Trumpism is just as much a religion as any other. Therefore we are counter-suing the State of New York on account of Donald Trump’s businesses all being 100% tax-exempt as religious organizations. In fact, we expect the Trump Organization to get a full refund of all taxes paid over the last several decades in rectification of this error in tax classification!”
Then Rudy Giuliani took his hand out of his pants, wiped a stream of black hair dye from his cheek, and clarified that the Trump Organization was also expecting the State of New York to pay his legal fee as well.
More from The Halfway Post vault:
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!