MAGA Fan Dying Of COVID Is Thankful He Got To Spend His Last Years Yelling At Brown People

Louisville, KY—

Local Trump supporter Ralph Wagner, 61, is currently lying in a hospital bed deathly ill with COVID19, but he hasn’t let it dampen his spirit or joy that Donald Trump got four years as President.

Mr. Wagner wrote the following letter to The Halfway Post:

Hey, libtards!

I may be on my deathbed with the Kung Flu, but I won’t let that distract me from the Democrats’ hoax. The numbers are way inflated to make President Trump look bad, and my biggest regret in life is that my immune system is currently colluding with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to make it look like Trump isn’t doing an A+ job stopping COVID’s spread! I had no idea my heart and lungs were part of the Deep State all this time!

But I’m comfortable dying knowing I lived long enough to see Trump defeat political correctness once and for all! The last four years have been the best years of my life. I took all the filters out of my mind and mouth, and let all my inside thoughts come outside no matter how many times I was called a sexist pig, a racist buffoon, or a public defecator! I got to go to white supremacy rallies and dress up like a medieval knight, and show off a white power crest on my cardboard shield I designed myself incorporating the Confederate flag but with swastikas replacing the stars! I saved up an entire mason jar of my caucasian semen and mailed it to Steve Bannon’s house to contribute to his White Sperm Doomsday Vault! I pinched my waitresses’ butts at restaurants and got to tell them if casual sexual assault was good enough for my President, it was good enough for me! I was careful to ask them all if they were married or not, so I could try to kiss the married ones just like Trump! And I must have yelled at hundreds if not thousands of brown people in grocery stores, bars, and while stopped at red lights because MAGA means they don’t belong here in America anymore! Thanks, Donald Trump, for your tremendous cultural leadership!

It brings a tear to my eye to think about all the ways Trump distracted me from my poverty, loneliness, and involuntary celibacy. My four votes for Trump were my proudest accomplishments in life. I had to cheat a little for Trump to fight against all the liberals’ fraudulent votes! Unfortunately, the government only found my fake votes, and none of the liberals’ fraud schemes, which is just more proof that the Democrats are the biggest, most committed cheaters in American history! Luckily I was able to pretend I was mentally insane to get out of the federal charges by having sex with the goats I keep on my property when the police came to arrest me. They thought I was nuts and left me alone, but the joke’s on them! I have sex with them goats all the time, not just when I’m feigning insanity!

I’m just sorry that my immune system has turned out to be a Leftist Marxist! I haven’t worn any masks all these months and I never wash my hands so I have no idea how or why God would allow a faithful Christian patriot like me get the communist Kung Flu! But I’m okay dying. All the Millennials slowly taking over are total libtards, and they don’t realize that democratic socialism leads only to Cuba and Venezuela. They claim they’re talking about Germany, Sweden, Canada and Denmark, but those socialist countries don’t count because they’re all European and gay! America is not and never will be a gay country. Like me. I only have sex with male goats because the female goats are total feminist, social justice warrior b****es!

So take that, you Halfwit Post! Trump 2024!

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